Two sexy people -- Many dirty bars - The UNDERBELLY

Hey 19

8/7/2015

I don't generally think of Torrance as a place for fine dining or hip, "public house"-style bars. Don't get me wrong, I love me some Chili's and the dive bars are top-notch, but I was not expecting to find a gem as dazzling as Hey 19. But why wouldn't it be awesome? It's named after a Steely Dan song, after all.

Upon pulling into the beautiful, vast parking lot, I could hear live music billowing out the bar/restaurant/venue's front door. We step inside, and there are two vacant bar stools, beckoning me and Chad. The place is relatively packed for 2:00pm on a Saturday, and the crowd is as diverse as I'd ever seen - literally every size, shape, age, color you could imagine....awesome!

I glance around the space and notice that an early episode of Full House is being projected on a big screen on the wall (if you're curious, it was the episode where DJ becomes obsessed with a horse named Bullet or Rocket or something). I wasn't expecting fucking FULL HOUSE to be playing at a bar! I wasn't expecting a kick-ass live band complete with the loudest and most amazing lead singer AND Jimi Hendrix alive from the grave on bass. I sure as hell wasn't expecting senior citizens to be making out and grabbing ass (literally) on the dance floor! See below:

The drinks are only $7-ish each, and we didn't even stop by during Happy Hour. I order the Chick Drink, naturally, and Chad has the #19 and the Suburban Decay. All are really good, which makes sense, because they were created by the same guy who created the Ortega 120 margarita, aka, the best margarita I've ever had, and that's no exaggeration. I really like the vintage decor; it's not overpowering or kitschy, just fun and nostalgic. They also accept OpenTable reservations if you're dining in, so, bonus points in my book.

So, I think I'm in love with this place, and I can't wait to come back next weekend to try the food. Yay!

The Buccaneer, 1881 Club & The Colorado Bar

6/17/2015

Chad and I have made a decision - we're moving to Pasadena. It's clean and beautiful and allows us to get a bigger house without compromising our safety. Naturally, finding a quality neighborhood dive is up there in importance with a quality doctor, dentist, and Jeep/Chrysler/Dodge dealership for regular car maintenance. Unfortunately, Pasadena doesn't have much to offer in this department.

Although it saddens me that my soon-to-be home Pasadena lacks in crusty bars, I'm so thankful to have the Buccaneer in adjacent Sierra Madre.

One faithful Saturday afternoon in March, Chad and I trek out to the east side to see what this pirate-themed bar is all about. Side note, I'd never been to Sierra Madre before; it is totally cute and a pleasure to walk through after cocktails at the Buc. Also, there's ample street parking!

Upon entering, you'll notice the bad ass wall mural behind the bar - the artistry bears a striking resemblance to the cover art of Manowar's 'Gods of War'. During our experience here, the patrons were very friendly and seemed to all know each other. There is plenty of seating, TVs (if you're into sports or something) and drinks are inexpensive, as expected.

Make sure to order a screwdriver, so you don't get scurvy!

If pirates aren't your thing, you have approximately two other options in the Pasadena vicinity - 1881 Club and the Colorado Bar.

1881 CLUB - From the outside, this place truly looks like a filthy good time. It's behind a sketchy recycling plant behind the friendly neighborhood Vons, and you probably wouldn't know it's there because it's marked only by a tiny sign on the roof and a whiteboard out front announcing its LA Weekly award as 'Best Dive Bar in Pasadena'.

The space itself is pretty dumpy, with empty cardboard boxes stacked everywhere. They have a pretty cool digital bowling game, which consumes most of the time during our visit.

I was a little surprised by the pricing - two beers cost $11...I could get two cocktails and a shot of Jack for that price at the Prime Time. But, as advertised on the whiteboard out front, they do have the coldest beer in Pasadena, so maybe they tack on some coin for that feature.

The bartender is nice enough, but something about the spandex exercise pants she's wearing throws me off. This bar probably won't be my future go-to.

COLORADO BAR - The Colorado Bar isn't really a dive; it's pretty clean and spacious with dim lighting and lots of tables and seating. The one time I came here, it was vacant, so I can't vouch for the clientele, but I would guess it never gets too rough. Actually, Yelp just confirmed it for me; young, hip people frequent this bar...mental note, come in the afternoon.
The bartender is friendly and the prices are fair. Also, I am happy to report that this bar still carries a classic disc-style jukebox with a solid music selection. Yay!

A couple doors down, you'll find a fun little record/video store. I foresee drunken shopping sprees in my future.

There you go - the Pasadena dive bar scene all in one review.

The Flamingo

5/28/2015

Well, what a pleasant surprise stumbling across this gem!

Stuck in bumper to bumper traffic on the 10 East heading toward Morongo Casino, Chad and I decide to take the first opportunity to exit and grab lunch. After a casual meal at the Old Spaghetti Factory, we head back toward the freeway, taking the long route through Downtown Redlands.

Sidenote: I remember going to Redlands once before in my life - to check out the college when my brother was a senior in high school. Feeling nostalgic, I go on Wikipedia to scope out the notable alumni and discover an author named Laurel Rose Wilson. Apparently, she wrote books claiming she was the victim of satanic ritual abuse, then later, under a different alias, claimed she was a Holocaust survivor...cool chick, huh?

Anyway, while bantering about how cute Redlands is, I turn my head to the right and notice a beautiful, 70s-style sign emblazoned with the name 'The Flamingo'. Both of us, simultaneously, start freaking out, and immediately pull the car over. Unfortunately, a group of young people in Graduation Day attire also notice the awesome sign and enter right before us, completely monopolizing the jukebox and playing terrible music. I mean, who plays Kings of Leon in a dive bar?! We are lucky enough to have a brief moment of bliss while walking in, as Whitesnake's 'Give Me All Your Love' blares from the speakers.

The bar itself is huge - plenty of seating, pool tables, shuffle board, and even a...wait for it...Metallica pinball machine!!! Drinks are inexpensive, as expected, and the bartender is totally fun and completely kookoo. She greets us with "I haven't seen you guys in a while"...uh try never, then proceeds to ask me for my ID on two separate occasions. Oh, Ambien.

I so want to have my birthday party here!

Although I probably won't be in the Redlands area much in the near future, if I ever am, you'll find me at the Dirty Bird.

Branch Office

4/28/2015

What an amazing find! This hidden gem in Torrance is about as real as it gets, and when I finally make the move to the South Bay, this will be MY watering hole.

Upon driving by, the tough exterior was enough for Chad to slam on his breaks and make a U-turn. Uhhh yes, please! We park, enter, saddle up to the locals-lined bar, and order two Bloody Marys. Are you ready for this?.....SIX DOLLARS. For two. I'm not joking. And stiff and spicy, they are!

Bruce, the bartender, is so incredibly welcoming. He lets us know all about the drink deals and the daily food specials, including Rib-eye Wednesday - a thick slice of steak, baked potato and vegetables for $15! Scroll through the photos on Yelp for a picture of this meal - it's a feast fit for a king.

Also, check out the 86ed list to the right, complete with physical descriptions of the banned customers. I love it!

So, let's break this down: impossibly cheap cocktails, home-cooked meals throughout out the week, and oh, they open for business at 6:00am. Why aren't you there right now?!

See you Wednesday, Branch Office!

The Bounty Room

4/22/2015

I am so excited to have discovered this little gem in Torrance. Now, when I’m in the area, I have a bar for nearly every occasion:

THE ZEBRA ROOM – for when I get my oil changed at Scott Robinson Chrysler Dodge Jeep Ram

THE THIRSTY CLUB – for Filipino class

THE SPORTSMAN – for when I want emphysema. Or potluck food. Or men over 65.

THE BOUNTY ROOM – for when I need beer served in a goblet.

Yeah, Chad’s beer came in a goblet. I’m ordering THAT next time.

Finding the Bounty Room was like spotting water in a desert. We needed a bar, and there it was.

Chad and I walk inside and are welcomed with open arms. The bartender is sweet as a peach and upon us learning that it’s a beer and wine only establishment, offers me wine options - because I’m a classy lady, clearly - and I select white zinfandel - because classy ladies drink pink wine.

The majority of the patrons appear to be locals, drinking beer (and Mountain Dew!? Yeah, I saw you drinking one, red shirt guy) and shooting pool. I particularly like the motif – 70s-style fake rock wall, sexy beer posters, a bunny calendar....

Isn’t that cute?

Drinks are very affordable, and FYI, it’s cash only.

My experience was only slightly tainted by an all-country soundtrack, but hey, I'm a trooper and can handle twenty minutes of Kenny Chesney.

See you soon, Bounty Room!

The Kibitz Room

3/8/2015

Nobody has a bigger boner for classic rock and heavy metal than I do. Because Los Angeles is a goldmine when it comes to rock ‘n’ roll history, I naturally want to visit all the locations associated with my favorite bands. Canters, quite famously, was a popular hang-out for the guys in Guns ‘n’ Roses, and the adjacent bar, the Kibitz Room, was the venue that launched dozens of the bands from that era.

Chad and his former band, Unknown Boy, also played the Kibitz Room. Yup, all the rock royalty plays the Kibitz Room at some point in their career.

It’s a Wednesday night, and Chad and I have some time to kill before seeing a late screening of ‘Samurai Cop’, (***side note – if you haven’t seen this movie, you should. It’s pretty much the greatest movie of all time, even better than ‘The Room’ and ‘Troll 2’. Yes, that good.***), so we decide to stop by Canters for some dinner and drinks. After downing a couple turkey-on-ryes, we head to the Kibitz Room.

It’s a pretty amazing, skuzzy bar, complete with a small stage, a couple of dusty leather booths, and, of course, old-school jukebox! The bartender looks like skinny Santa Claus, so I’m instantly smitten. The other patrons are appropriately diverse, and the drinks are stiff and inexpensive. Chad strikes up a conversation with the random dude next to him because he has a gonzo tattoo and Chad reads a lot more than I do and knows what that is. When the guy says he’s NOT a Hunter S. Thompson fan and got the tattoo ironically, I think Chad is about to spit-take Tullamore Dew.

I let Chad argue with the guy next to him, while I get up to take a look at the music selection. After flipping through, I see they have Dirt by Alice in Chains and get more excited than a person probably should. I play a few songs, then grab Chad before he gets in a fistfight with the smug stranger, and head over to the Cinefamily theater.

The Kibitz Room – a quality bar.

The Harbor Room

2/18/2015

The Harbor Room has been on my list of bars to check out for a while. Due to its proximity to Prince O’ Whales and the Westchester AMF, I had driven past it several times before. With its tiny white and cobalt exterior and gathering of salty sea dogs out front chain smoking Marlboro Reds, I can only image what excitement hides behind those doors.

When we finally decide to stop in, it is the night before Christmas Eve. Chad and I are both having a difficult time decompressing from the stress of last minute work requests, but because transplant Angelenos are already out of town for the holidays and it is a particularly cold and foggy night, it seems like an opportune time to visit.

The ghostly ride down Culver Blvd. synchronized with Pink Floyd’s ‘Us and Them’ sets the mood just right. We easily find parking and walk up to the entrance of the smallest bar in Los Angeles County. Upon entering, it is apparent that I’ve fallen in love at first sight: a classic CD-style jukebox (check), free chili dog station in the corner (check), and nearly every patron in the place is over the age of 65 (CHECK!).

I put a dollar in the jukebox (a dollar buys you THREE plays!?) and select tracks by Jim Croce and Bob Seger. For about ten bucks, we are able to buy a shot of Jack, a Budweiser, and a vodka cranberry. Although we’re obvious first-timers to the bar, everyone is friendly and welcoming. We enjoy our cocktails and complimentary chili dogs, and stare out the window, watching the fog roll in over Playa del Rey. It's absolutely perfect.

Seattle, We Meet Again (Part 3)

1/31/2015

SUNDAY - 8.10.14

It’s Sunday, and we’re hungover. We probably could have spent the entire day watching Extreme Couponing, but it’s my last full day in Seattle and there are still bars I need to check off my list. Much to my poor partner-in-crime’s dismay, I pull her out of bed, and we hit the road.

First things first, she shows me her soon-to-be new home in Edmonds, Washington. On the way, we pass a sketchy little bar called Harvey’s. If you drove past this place, tell me you wouldn’t stop in? It looks AH-MAZING! Look at it.

After doing a loop around the town and stopping at the mall for a meal and Nordstrom shopping spree, we head back to Harvey’s, per my begging and pleading.

HARVEY’S – We step inside and literally everyone is wearing a Seahawk’s jersey (makes sense). It’s really not that scary of a bar; I’d classify it more as a sport’s bar. A sport’s bar that’s overly-obsessed with David Lynch. I notice a poster of 'Wild at Heart' in Spanish on the wall, and like a moth to a flame, run toward it. Umm…unfortunately, it was hanging in the MEN’S RESTROOM(!), and for whatever reason, the door was open. Hopefully the little Mexican man peeing at the first stall didn’t notice me walk in. Mortified, I run to a barstool, order a beer, and try to keep a low profile.

Other than that incident, I enjoyed a very chill experience at Harvey’s. If I lived in Edmonds, this might very well be my neighborhood bar. Decent crowd, cheap drinks, and you can order chicken tenders!

After Harvey’s, we head back to Seattle. I need to visit my boyfriend Layne Staley’s death house, which just so happens to be next to a bar I want to visit: Blue Moon Tavern. Back in the late 90s/early 2000s, Layne used to come here and the Rainbow Bar, which unfortunately, no longer exists.

There it is, top right.....

BLUE MOON TAVERN – It’s extremely old; I would guess that it dates back to the late 1800s, but I’m too lazy to Google that answer for you. We walk inside and it’s so dirty and amazing. Before even sitting down, I decide this is my new favorite bar in Seattle (sorry, Unicorn!). I probably sit on every dirty bar stool and booth in the place, just to guarantee that I am touching an object Layne once touched. I’m totally getting shivers just thinking about it. Is that weird?

Layne aside, let me give you a rundown of this bar – it’s sticky dirty and there are etchings and vandalism covering every carvable wooden surface. It smells like BO, even though there are no sweaty rocker boys in sight, but I’m okay with it. The drinks are cheap; I think, on average, $4 each. There is a small stage for up-and-coming bands to start their careers...again, no sweaty rocker boys in sight...but sadly, that's what you get when you go to bars at 4pm. The bartender is a sweet, bohemian type and the patrons span every notch of the spectrum. If I were to go home with someone from the bar, besides Anna, I choose this guy:

I can’t wait to bring Chad here. He’d fall in love.

EARL'S ON THE AVE - After spending a couple hours at Blue Moon, it was time to visit a bar a little more age-appropriate. I follow Anna over to Earl's and order up a vodka cranberry. It shows up in a pint glass...awesome. They have an internet jukebox, and much to everyone's displeasure, I put in five dollars to play a shit ton of Alice in Chains. Sorry guys, deal with it. We befriend some dudes and play a couple rounds of darts. Oh boy, I feel like I'm in college again!

My high school friend meets up with us and we start reminiscing about the good ol' days (aka high school: the worst four years of my life). Clearly, he's infatuated with me, so it comes as no surprise when I have to dodge his unprovoked attempt to kiss me. I don't understand men. I've been talking about my boyfriend all night. Wouldn't that translate to "don't fucking kiss me"??

He leaves, and Anna and I get drunker, and then we meet this guy:

It's all a little hazy from there...

Thanks, Seattle, for the good times. See you next August for Layney's birthday!

Seattle, We Meet Again (Part 2)

11/21/2014

SATURDAY - 8.9.14

Okay, where was I? Ahh yes, so we finish up at Shorty's and are pretty tanked at this point, so we decide to search for food. We stumble into the tiki bar next door - LAVA LOUNGE - hoping to find food (logical thinking), only to learn that they have cocktails only...next time Lava Lounge, I'm all over you.

We find a sushi place a few storefronts over and immediately stumble inside to refuel on some Happy Hour food. Feeling better, we continue on our way.

NITELITE LOUNGE - Upon entering the NiteLite Lounge, I say hi to a random dude out front...remember this fun fact, it'll make sense later.

We're still too drunk to have another cocktail so we ask for two waters and the bartender looks at us funny. Anna reassures me that the bartender is more concerned for our well-being and would rather us sober up. I'm fairy certain he is irritated that we aren't spending any money, so I throw him a couple bucks for a tip and we take off.

Aaaand over to Capitol Hill....

On our way to Capitol Hill, we're at a bus stop and the same dude from the NiteLite is there and he's like "hey, you remind me of someone I knew in high school." That sobers me up. Holy shit, I know this guy. And how weird, I went to high school in Sacramento. We exchange numbers and plan to meet up later.

UNICORN - I'm baaaack! I really enjoy this place; it's quite lovely inside. We meet some weirdo who tries to get us to go to a ZZ Top concert with him. I do love ZZ Top, though...

This guy...PERV!

Wait, why are we taking pictures with him?

CHA CHA - I knew Joe wasn't going to be here, but whatever, I could use another free drink. Naturally, I develop a crush on our new bartender. He looks slimy, like a cross between David Spade and Hannibal Lecter. Too many free 'Date Grapes' later, we stumble over to the Comet Tavern.

COMET TAVERN - At some point during a day full of drinking, you have to call it quits. I think that should have happened at the Cha Cha, because I have NO recollection of the Comet. I DO remember peanut shells all over the floor, I DO remember shuffleboard, and I DO remember not being able to finish a pint of Guinness before my cheek was resting on a cool, woodgrain tabletop.

Next thing I know, I'm home in Anna's bed, waking up to 4am calls from bus stop boy. Dude, let me get some sleep.

Tomorrow's Sunday...stay tuned.

Seattle, We Meet Again

10/25/2014

27 isn't a particularly momentous milestone age...unless you're me and half the musicians you love and admire died when they were 27. Approximately half of those musicians were Seattle residents, and because so, Seattle seemed like the appropriate place to ring in my next year of life.
So I did, and I tormented my friend Anna by preparing a list in advance of nearly 15 bars I wanted to visit, most with some sort of 90s music significance. Brace yourself, liver.

EASY JOE'S - We decide to head over to Central Saloon first, but on the way, we notice this place. I don't remember it being there when I was in town last December, so we stop in to see what's good. Um..nothing. It's a sports bar, and I don't do those. My Seattle is all about rock 'n' roll, so on to the next.

CENTRAL SALOON - I'm more than a little obsessed with this place, especially since Joe (the super-sexy bartender from the Cha Cha that I met on my last Seattle trip) messaged me through www.lostintheunderbelly.com - ahh, the power of the internet - to tell me that he ALSO works at the Central, and to stop by ;). No Joe sightings this visit, but Anna and I still very much enjoyed our experience here. Can't you tell?

SATURDAY - 8.9.14

EMMETT WATSON'S OYSTER BAR - Chad couldn't make it with me on my grungy birthday journey, so I make sure to load up on seafood and take lots of pictures so he can live vicariously through me.

Emmett Watson's begins our boozy journey. A couple oysters, a few shrimp, and 2 glasses of white zinfandel later, we are ready to hit the bars.

We're just being metal |m/

Yes, the Central Saloon has strong, cheap drinks, but the ambiance is what keeps me coming back.

How did I miss this commemorative shrine to our fallen Seattle rock gods my first visit? Amazing!

Also, I love the rough lesbian bartender's shirt:

Now that we've got a good buzz going, we head over to Belltown...and what a sight to see! At least five or six Alyssa Heater-style bars all in a row. This is what dreams are made out of, people.

THE CROCODILE - Our first stop in Belltown is the Crocodile. A little history: Formerly The Crocodile Cafe, this landmark bar served as the primo music venue for the Seattle rock bands who blew up in the 90s. Nirvana, Alice in Chains, Mudhoney, they all played here, and naturally, the Crocodile has plenty of memorability to honor them. I'll take any opportunity to drink with Layne and Kurt, even if they're just photographs on the wall.

**Although I didn't have a chance to try the pizza, it smelled fucking amazing. I'm going back and ordering a large one all for myself.

THE RABBIT HOLE - A couple doors down is the Rabbit Hole. What the fuck, a Skee-ball bar? Bars this fun don't exist in LA, and if they did, they'd be overrun by the most annoying people that I don't care to associate with when I'm drinking in public.

I make the unfortunate mistake of accepting some hillbilly's invitation to play Skee-ball. It must have been the child in me because when he flashed two shiny quarters and asked if I wanted to join, I didn't think twice before blurting "yes!". After that, we couldn't really shake the guy. If it weren't for him, we probably could have stayed here all night.

The drinks, like those at most of the Seattle bars I enjoyed, were strong. I can't vouch for the food, but the menu has a large variety of greasy fare. Yummm!

SHORTY'S - Next door is Shorty's, a bar with a creepy circus vibe that would make anyone with coulrophobia cringe. It reminds me of a more intimate, and certainly sketchier, version of Unicorn. I was pretty tanked at this point, so I don't remember much. I think I drank a cinnamon-flavored shot. I do remember an entire back room filled with bright, flashing pinball machines. I think the tabletops in the booths were also pinball machines.

Give me a chance to sober up and remember the rest of this excursion. To be continued....