RESUME
ARIZONA
Coconino County
Canyon Club
132 W Route 66
Williams, AZ 86046
I had high hopes for the Canyon Club based on both the Yelp reviews and the proximity to our hotel (the Grand Canyon Hotel). Unfortunately, I was put-off the moment we stepped inside because the coked-out karaoke host got in our faces and tried to become our friend…
“Where you guys from???”
“LA.”
“Oh my god, no way?! Me too! What part of town?”
“Silver Lake.”
“Oh my god! Me too! I’m a musician.”
“Cool.”
“Oh my god, we should meet up when I’m back in LA. I’ll get your information in a minute.”
…and then he runs back to his mic to introduce the next singer. His breath was really bad.
The bartender was really trashy and gave me a lot of shit for not ordering my Screwdriver with Grey Goose. I didn’t realize this was such a fancy establishment, what with the Kirkland Signature concentrated orange juice and all.
We sat in the back of the bar and observed the rough-looking patrons while we finished our drinks, then headed back to the Sultana.
Rating: xx
“Where you guys from???”
“LA.”
“Oh my god, no way?! Me too! What part of town?”
“Silver Lake.”
“Oh my god! Me too! I’m a musician.”
“Cool.”
“Oh my god, we should meet up when I’m back in LA. I’ll get your information in a minute.”
…and then he runs back to his mic to introduce the next singer. His breath was really bad.
The bartender was really trashy and gave me a lot of shit for not ordering my Screwdriver with Grey Goose. I didn’t realize this was such a fancy establishment, what with the Kirkland Signature concentrated orange juice and all.
We sat in the back of the bar and observed the rough-looking patrons while we finished our drinks, then headed back to the Sultana.
Rating: xx
The Grand Canyon Brewing Company
233 W Route 66
Williams, AZ 86046
A diner that serves locally brewed beer (booooring, thumbs down, fart noise).
Rating: x
Rating: x
Spenser's Pub
233 N. Grand Canyon Blvd
Williams, AZ 86046
Spenser’s Pub is the bar inside the Grand Canyon Railway Hotel. Chad and I stopped in here to grab one final drink before the train ride home. The ambience is dark: dark wood, dark leather, dark lighting; and most of the clientele are old, which I like. As I was enjoying my eighth drink of the day, I came to the realization that even when drinking all day, I never really felt drunk...
Rating: x
Rating: x
Sultana Bar
301 W Rt 66
Williams, AZ 86046
Between the two bars in Williams, I
choose Sultana. The pregnant bartender
was a little disarming, but I’m sure she’s being responsible about it. You can order food from The
Singing Pig next door, which I hear is pretty good, and eat it while watching
the MTV Video Music Awards on multiple big-screen TVs. It’s a pretty big space, yet still feels
lively.
Rating: xx
Rating: xx
Maricopa County
Dilly Dally Lounge
3639 E Indian School Rd
Phoenix, AZ 85018
Review coming soon!
CALIFORNIA
Fresno County
Ewell's Place
2742 W Shaw Ave
Fresno, CA 93711
Review coming soon!
Shenanigans
6650 N Cedar Ave
Fresno, CA 93710
Review coming soon!
Imperial County
Ski Inn
9596 Ave A
Niland, CA 92257
The last time I passed
through Bombay Beach I couldn’t get my friends to stop for a drink here even
though I was scratching at the window like a dog scenting a bitch in
heat. Thankfully this time we did and it was a great pleasure.
This is a great roadhouse style establishment. Dollar bills on the wall, jukebox and ample seating. Around 10 people were there swilling liquor over the lunch hour (none under 65) and each of them incredibly friendly. The bartender was probably pushing 70 (see photo of the handsome devil chilling in the background like a pimp on holiday leave) and I felt a touch of guilt every time I ordered a drink as it took him a good 5 minutes to shuffle over and pour a cold Bud out of the tap…in a mason jar, nonetheless.
The guys sitting next to us at the bar (Dennis and his brother-in-law, Roger, who, oddly enough, own a vacation home here and were complaining about the one black youth who moved into the neighborhood claiming he is a drug addict and fingered him for the recent break-in of their mobile home costing them one vintage tube television and an all-in-one stereo system) recommended the Sunday breakfast at the VFW if we were in the area.
Now, where I’m from, the VFW is a member’s only club requiring at least one tour of duty in a jungle or desert and a handful of bullets pumped into a people that you still need to hate well after the fact. You also need to wear one of those hats with a giant patch on it. I’m speculating that this is also to get discounts at the local Golden Coral but there isn’t one of those around here for miles.
Anyway, with less than 300 people around, the Bombay Beach Local 801 has an open door policy, most likely in an effort to pay the rent. Dennis and Roger suggest hitting the bar at the VFW as we had no intention of passing out in the dirt and being there in the morning.
Before leaving, the bartender hands us a couple of mini Ski Inn calendars for the fridge. This place is fucking great! Word is they also have a stellar patty melt but I was saving the indigestion for later in the day.
Rating: xx
This is a great roadhouse style establishment. Dollar bills on the wall, jukebox and ample seating. Around 10 people were there swilling liquor over the lunch hour (none under 65) and each of them incredibly friendly. The bartender was probably pushing 70 (see photo of the handsome devil chilling in the background like a pimp on holiday leave) and I felt a touch of guilt every time I ordered a drink as it took him a good 5 minutes to shuffle over and pour a cold Bud out of the tap…in a mason jar, nonetheless.
The guys sitting next to us at the bar (Dennis and his brother-in-law, Roger, who, oddly enough, own a vacation home here and were complaining about the one black youth who moved into the neighborhood claiming he is a drug addict and fingered him for the recent break-in of their mobile home costing them one vintage tube television and an all-in-one stereo system) recommended the Sunday breakfast at the VFW if we were in the area.
Now, where I’m from, the VFW is a member’s only club requiring at least one tour of duty in a jungle or desert and a handful of bullets pumped into a people that you still need to hate well after the fact. You also need to wear one of those hats with a giant patch on it. I’m speculating that this is also to get discounts at the local Golden Coral but there isn’t one of those around here for miles.
Anyway, with less than 300 people around, the Bombay Beach Local 801 has an open door policy, most likely in an effort to pay the rent. Dennis and Roger suggest hitting the bar at the VFW as we had no intention of passing out in the dirt and being there in the morning.
Before leaving, the bartender hands us a couple of mini Ski Inn calendars for the fridge. This place is fucking great! Word is they also have a stellar patty melt but I was saving the indigestion for later in the day.
Rating: xx
American Legion Club
2108 1st St
Niland, CA 92257
The VFW is located on
the outskirts of town down a dusty gravel road.
If there weren’t a few loud day-drunks (one with an eye patch) out on the porch (yes, it’s a porch here and not a patio), I could have sat there all day and listened to the wind kick sand around.
Unfortunately, we had to cut our stay short as this was only a pit stop on our way to Salvation Mountain. The irony is we got lost shortly after leaving here and never made it, deciding instead to head back to the casino before we drunkenly crashed the Jeep into a date palm.
Bombay Beach is well worth a visit should you ever find yourself anywhere near the Salton Sea.
Rating: xxx
If there weren’t a few loud day-drunks (one with an eye patch) out on the porch (yes, it’s a porch here and not a patio), I could have sat there all day and listened to the wind kick sand around.
Unfortunately, we had to cut our stay short as this was only a pit stop on our way to Salvation Mountain. The irony is we got lost shortly after leaving here and never made it, deciding instead to head back to the casino before we drunkenly crashed the Jeep into a date palm.
Bombay Beach is well worth a visit should you ever find yourself anywhere near the Salton Sea.
Rating: xxx
Los Angeles County
Bac Street Lounge
2422 Artesia Blvd
Redondo Beach, CA 90278
After visiting a gem like Thirsty Club, my expectations may have been a little high. There is certainly nothing wrong with Bac Street Lounge, in fact, the patrons and bartender were completely friendly and pleasant to be around during our visit. I guess I was hoping for something a little dirtier, like, 'Barfly' dirty.
As I've mentioned in several other reviews, I am a sucker for good signage. Unfortunately, the Bac Street's sign looks like something a frat boy created, drunk, in Microsoft Word. Regardless, Chad and I had driven past Bac Street about a thousand times while running errands on Artesia, so one day, he spontaneously pulls over and parks in the vacant street space out front.
We step inside and notice that the interior resembles a classic sports bar with pool tables, framed memorabilia, and neon beer signs. The bartender is a cute Latina, dressed in the required baggy black tee-shirt with silk-screened 'Bac Street Lounge'. She is extremely attentive and checks in on us frequently to make sure we're good on drinks.
We spend the bulk of the visit playing Bejeweled; all the while, a lot of Sublime is playing on the internet jukebox. I'm not in a rush to visit again, but if that parking space right out front is open during another drive-by, maybe I'll give her a second chance.
Rating: xx
As I've mentioned in several other reviews, I am a sucker for good signage. Unfortunately, the Bac Street's sign looks like something a frat boy created, drunk, in Microsoft Word. Regardless, Chad and I had driven past Bac Street about a thousand times while running errands on Artesia, so one day, he spontaneously pulls over and parks in the vacant street space out front.
We step inside and notice that the interior resembles a classic sports bar with pool tables, framed memorabilia, and neon beer signs. The bartender is a cute Latina, dressed in the required baggy black tee-shirt with silk-screened 'Bac Street Lounge'. She is extremely attentive and checks in on us frequently to make sure we're good on drinks.
We spend the bulk of the visit playing Bejeweled; all the while, a lot of Sublime is playing on the internet jukebox. I'm not in a rush to visit again, but if that parking space right out front is open during another drive-by, maybe I'll give her a second chance.
Rating: xx
Backstage
10400 Culver Blvd
Culver City, CA 90232
Review coming soon!
Bigfoot West
10939 Venice Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90064
Review coming soon!
Blind Donkey
53 E Union St
Pasadena, CA 91103
Review coming soon!
Bounty Room
4419 Torrance Blvd
Torrance, CA 90503
THE THIRSTY CLUB – for
Filipino class
THE SPORTSMAN – for when I want emphysema. Or potluck food. Or men over 65.
THE BOUNTY ROOM – for when I need beer served in a goblet.
Yeah, Chad’s beer came in a goblet. I’m ordering THAT next time.
Finding the Bounty Room was like spotting water in a desert. We needed a bar, and there it was.
Chad and I walk inside and are welcomed with open arms. The bartender is sweet as a peach and upon us learning that it’s a beer and wine only establishment, offers me wine options - because I’m a classy lady, clearly - and I select white zinfandel - because classy ladies drink pink wine.
The majority of the patrons appear to be locals, drinking beer (and Mountain Dew!? Yeah, I saw you drinking one, red shirt guy) and shooting pool. I particularly like the motif – 70s-style fake rock wall, sexy beer posters, a bunny calendar....isn’t that cute?
Drinks are very affordable, and FYI, it’s cash only.
My experience was only slightly tainted by an all-country soundtrack, but hey, I'm a trooper and can handle twenty minutes of Kenny Chesney.
See you soon, Bounty Room!
Rating: xx
THE SPORTSMAN – for when I want emphysema. Or potluck food. Or men over 65.
THE BOUNTY ROOM – for when I need beer served in a goblet.
Yeah, Chad’s beer came in a goblet. I’m ordering THAT next time.
Finding the Bounty Room was like spotting water in a desert. We needed a bar, and there it was.
Chad and I walk inside and are welcomed with open arms. The bartender is sweet as a peach and upon us learning that it’s a beer and wine only establishment, offers me wine options - because I’m a classy lady, clearly - and I select white zinfandel - because classy ladies drink pink wine.
The majority of the patrons appear to be locals, drinking beer (and Mountain Dew!? Yeah, I saw you drinking one, red shirt guy) and shooting pool. I particularly like the motif – 70s-style fake rock wall, sexy beer posters, a bunny calendar....isn’t that cute?
Drinks are very affordable, and FYI, it’s cash only.
My experience was only slightly tainted by an all-country soundtrack, but hey, I'm a trooper and can handle twenty minutes of Kenny Chesney.
See you soon, Bounty Room!
Rating: xx
Branch Office
2320 Torrance Blvd
Torrance, CA 90501
What an amazing find!
This hidden gem in Torrance is about as real as it gets, and when I finally
make the move to the South Bay, this will be MY watering hole.
Upon driving by, the tough exterior was enough for Chad to slam on his breaks and make a U-turn. Uhhh yes, please! We park, enter, saddle up to the locals-lined bar, and order two Bloody Marys. Are you ready for this?.....SIX DOLLARS. For two. I'm not joking. And stiff and spicy, they are!
Bruce, the bartender, is so incredibly welcoming. He lets us know all about the drink deals and the daily food specials, including Rib-eye Wednesday - a thick slice of steak, baked potato and vegetables for $15! Scroll through the photos on Yelp for a picture of this meal - it's a feast fit for a king.
Also, they have an 86ed list posted behind the bar, complete with physical descriptions of the banned customers. I love it!
So, let's break this down: impossibly cheap cocktails, home-cooked meals throughout out the week, and oh, they open for business at 6:00am. Why aren't you there right now?!
See you Wednesday, Branch Office!
Rating: xx
Upon driving by, the tough exterior was enough for Chad to slam on his breaks and make a U-turn. Uhhh yes, please! We park, enter, saddle up to the locals-lined bar, and order two Bloody Marys. Are you ready for this?.....SIX DOLLARS. For two. I'm not joking. And stiff and spicy, they are!
Bruce, the bartender, is so incredibly welcoming. He lets us know all about the drink deals and the daily food specials, including Rib-eye Wednesday - a thick slice of steak, baked potato and vegetables for $15! Scroll through the photos on Yelp for a picture of this meal - it's a feast fit for a king.
Also, they have an 86ed list posted behind the bar, complete with physical descriptions of the banned customers. I love it!
So, let's break this down: impossibly cheap cocktails, home-cooked meals throughout out the week, and oh, they open for business at 6:00am. Why aren't you there right now?!
See you Wednesday, Branch Office!
Rating: xx
Buccaneer
70 W Sierra Madre Blvd
Sierra Madre, CA 91024
Review coming soon!
The Colorado Bar
2640 E Colorado Blvd
Pasadena, CA 91107
Review coming soon!
Cozy Inn
11155 Washington Pl
Culver City, CA 90232
I was stoked coming into this place because one of my coworkers said it was filthy. There was one entertaining drunk lady, but the bartender and rest of the clientele were boring. It opens at 6:00 am, so take that for what it’s worth. Nothing to write home about.
Rating: x
Rating: x
Down and Out
501 S Spring St
Los Angeles, CA 90013
This is another one of those bars I don’t remember much about. I think there are celebrity mug shots on the walls? We went here the first time we hung out, so I was really more focused on touching Chad’s dick.
Rating: xx
Rating: xx
Drawing Room
1800 Hillhurst Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90027
We stayed here a total of thirty seconds before we decided to take off…not because it sucked, but because it was packed and from what I could see (this place is pitch-black inside), there was nowhere to sit. Now based on how crowded it was at noon on a Saturday, I would very much like to come back and give it another try.
Rating: xxx
Rating: xxx
El Bar
3256 Cahuenga Blvd W
Los Angeles, CA 90068
Review coming soon!
Frolic Room
6245 Hollywood Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90028
The dirtiest dive bar in Hollywood?!?! As if!
We visited the Frolic Room during a spontaneous outing in Hollywood. I'm not wild about Hollywood in general; there is nowhere to park, and the congestion and mass of tourists is stressful. Of course, during this excursion, I was already drunk and not responsible for driving, so I felt free as a bird.
After stopping by the Velvet Margarita (wow, what a beautiful space!), we walk over to the Frolic Room. Many a coworker has recommended the Frolic Room upon learning of my obsession with dirty dive bars, so it's high time I drop in for a cocktail. Upon entering, I notice the hazy, tight quarters, an antique cartoon mural on the wall, and Deep Purple on the juke...¡me gusta!
But, herein lies the problem...
The Frolic Room is centrally located on Hollywood Boulevard, right next to the Pantages Theater. Heavy foot traffic and rumor of "the dirtiest dive in Hollywood" entice curious people to stop in. Unfortunately, or fortunately, this doesn't bring out the most interesting or diverse of crowds. During our visit, everyone was white, young and clean-looking (with the exception of the woman with the half-paralyzed face). I didn't feel my life was threatened, which is usually fine, but this is allegedly "the dirtiest dive in Hollywood"...dazzle me!
The Cape Cod I ordered was stiff and substantial in size. After a "Velvet Elvis" and a "Catalina" at the Velvet Margarita, I could barely finish it!
Would I go back to the Frolic Room? Absolutely. Is it the dirtiest dive bar in Hollywood? Stop by Gold Diggers, then you tell me.
Rating: xx
We visited the Frolic Room during a spontaneous outing in Hollywood. I'm not wild about Hollywood in general; there is nowhere to park, and the congestion and mass of tourists is stressful. Of course, during this excursion, I was already drunk and not responsible for driving, so I felt free as a bird.
After stopping by the Velvet Margarita (wow, what a beautiful space!), we walk over to the Frolic Room. Many a coworker has recommended the Frolic Room upon learning of my obsession with dirty dive bars, so it's high time I drop in for a cocktail. Upon entering, I notice the hazy, tight quarters, an antique cartoon mural on the wall, and Deep Purple on the juke...¡me gusta!
But, herein lies the problem...
The Frolic Room is centrally located on Hollywood Boulevard, right next to the Pantages Theater. Heavy foot traffic and rumor of "the dirtiest dive in Hollywood" entice curious people to stop in. Unfortunately, or fortunately, this doesn't bring out the most interesting or diverse of crowds. During our visit, everyone was white, young and clean-looking (with the exception of the woman with the half-paralyzed face). I didn't feel my life was threatened, which is usually fine, but this is allegedly "the dirtiest dive in Hollywood"...dazzle me!
The Cape Cod I ordered was stiff and substantial in size. After a "Velvet Elvis" and a "Catalina" at the Velvet Margarita, I could barely finish it!
Would I go back to the Frolic Room? Absolutely. Is it the dirtiest dive bar in Hollywood? Stop by Gold Diggers, then you tell me.
Rating: xx
Gold Diggers
5632 Santa Monica Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90038
I'm embarrassed that I hadn't written an official Gold Diggers review until now...it is, after all, my favorite dive bar in Los Angeles. Maybe it's a similar situation as telling your partner you love them for the first time and you're afraid the words will come out all jumbled and retarded. Here it goes:
Gold Diggers is a trashy bikini bar located in the barrio of Santa Monica Boulevard, between Wilton and St. Andrews. It sits nestled between discount markets and donut shops and run-down apartment complexes. Upon entering, you'll be greeted by Herman, the large (and wonderful) bouncer. Don't be fooled by his rough exterior, after a couple shakedowns, you'll see he's a gentle giant. Like a Pitbull, he trusts family.
The collection of dancers is diverse: big ones, small ones, short ones, tall ones...all of varying ages and races. The curvy Latina who dances weekday afternoons is my favorite, so I suggest you throw dollars at her.
Drinks are not necessarily the selling feature of Gold Diggers; they're small and a bit pricey, but you are paying for the live entertainment and overall experience. Being regulars, my boyfriend and I rarely have to order our drinks...a screwdriver, a shot of Jack, and a Budweiser just magically appear in front of us.
If you come at just the right time, you might be blessed with the presence of the Mamasan. She owns the place and she and her daughters frequently play bartender. Although friendly and outgoing, I wouldn't want to get on the Mamasan's bad side. She seems like the type to smack you with a yardstick if you don't play by her rules.
Gold Diggers celebrates their anniversary with an annual party, complete with free chicken wings, egg rolls, and chow mein. Although the party is a must-visit for Gold Diggers fans, it does get pretty crowded. I prefer the venue around 6:30pm on a Friday; it's a bit more mellow.
On our second date, Chad and I ventured over to Gold Diggers after a failed visit to Jumbo's. The difference in quality is like night and day. Yes, Jumbo's has the notoriety, but trust me on this one, go to Gold Diggers if you need a night of unbridled Asian sleaze. If you were to ask me which bar is dearest to my heart, I would say, without a doubt, Gold Diggers.
Rating: xx
Gold Diggers is a trashy bikini bar located in the barrio of Santa Monica Boulevard, between Wilton and St. Andrews. It sits nestled between discount markets and donut shops and run-down apartment complexes. Upon entering, you'll be greeted by Herman, the large (and wonderful) bouncer. Don't be fooled by his rough exterior, after a couple shakedowns, you'll see he's a gentle giant. Like a Pitbull, he trusts family.
The collection of dancers is diverse: big ones, small ones, short ones, tall ones...all of varying ages and races. The curvy Latina who dances weekday afternoons is my favorite, so I suggest you throw dollars at her.
Drinks are not necessarily the selling feature of Gold Diggers; they're small and a bit pricey, but you are paying for the live entertainment and overall experience. Being regulars, my boyfriend and I rarely have to order our drinks...a screwdriver, a shot of Jack, and a Budweiser just magically appear in front of us.
If you come at just the right time, you might be blessed with the presence of the Mamasan. She owns the place and she and her daughters frequently play bartender. Although friendly and outgoing, I wouldn't want to get on the Mamasan's bad side. She seems like the type to smack you with a yardstick if you don't play by her rules.
Gold Diggers celebrates their anniversary with an annual party, complete with free chicken wings, egg rolls, and chow mein. Although the party is a must-visit for Gold Diggers fans, it does get pretty crowded. I prefer the venue around 6:30pm on a Friday; it's a bit more mellow.
On our second date, Chad and I ventured over to Gold Diggers after a failed visit to Jumbo's. The difference in quality is like night and day. Yes, Jumbo's has the notoriety, but trust me on this one, go to Gold Diggers if you need a night of unbridled Asian sleaze. If you were to ask me which bar is dearest to my heart, I would say, without a doubt, Gold Diggers.
Rating: xx
Harbor Room
195 Culver Blvd
Playa del Rey, CA 90293
The Harbor Room has been on my list of bars to check out for
a while. Due to its proximity to Prince O’ Whales and the Westchester AMF, I
had driven past it several times before. With its tiny white and cobalt
exterior and gathering of salty sea dogs out front chain smoking Marlboro reds,
I can only image what excitement hides behind those doors.
When we finally decide to stop in, it is the night before Christmas Eve. Chad and I are both having a difficult time decompressing from the stress of last minute work requests, but because transplant Angelenos are already out of town for the holidays and it is a particularly cold and foggy night, it seems like an opportune time to visit.
The ghostly ride down Culver Blvd. synchronized with Pink Floyd’s ‘Us and Them’ sets the mood just right. We easily find parking and walk up to the entrance of the tiniest bar in Los Angeles County. Upon entering, it is apparent that I’ve fallen in love at first sight: a classic CD-style jukebox (check), free chili dog station in the corner (check), and nearly every patron in the place is over the age of 65 (CHECK!).
I put a dollar in the jukebox (a dollar buys you THREE plays!?) and select tracks by Jim Croce and Bob Seger. For about ten bucks, we are able to buy a shot of Jack, a Budweiser, and a vodka cranberry. Although we’re obvious first-timers to the bar, everyone is friendly and welcoming. We enjoy our cocktails and complimentary chili dogs, and stare out the window, watching the fog roll in over Playa del Rey. It’s absolutely perfect.
Rating: x
When we finally decide to stop in, it is the night before Christmas Eve. Chad and I are both having a difficult time decompressing from the stress of last minute work requests, but because transplant Angelenos are already out of town for the holidays and it is a particularly cold and foggy night, it seems like an opportune time to visit.
The ghostly ride down Culver Blvd. synchronized with Pink Floyd’s ‘Us and Them’ sets the mood just right. We easily find parking and walk up to the entrance of the tiniest bar in Los Angeles County. Upon entering, it is apparent that I’ve fallen in love at first sight: a classic CD-style jukebox (check), free chili dog station in the corner (check), and nearly every patron in the place is over the age of 65 (CHECK!).
I put a dollar in the jukebox (a dollar buys you THREE plays!?) and select tracks by Jim Croce and Bob Seger. For about ten bucks, we are able to buy a shot of Jack, a Budweiser, and a vodka cranberry. Although we’re obvious first-timers to the bar, everyone is friendly and welcoming. We enjoy our cocktails and complimentary chili dogs, and stare out the window, watching the fog roll in over Playa del Rey. It’s absolutely perfect.
Rating: x
Harold's Place
1908 S Pacific Ave
San Pedro, CA 90731
Review coming soon!
Hermosa Saloon
211 Pacific Coast Hwy
Hermosa Beach, CA 90254
The Hermosa Saloon is a decent, spacious bar that often has live music and potluck-style snacks to enjoy. It’s very low-key and welcoming, and also a good spot to hit after a show at the Brixton. I love the bartender, Rayzer. He’s super cute with his puffed out chest, rolled short sleeves, and magic tricks.
Rating: x
Rating: x
Hop Louie
950 Mei Ling Way
Los Angeles, CA 90012
Chad and I spontaneously decided to visit Hop Louie after an afternoon trip to the Museum of Death. It seemed like an appropriate stop after seeing images of mutilated bodies and artwork by John Wayne Gacy.
Situated in the heart of Chinatown, Hop Louie is one of those dive bar/restaurant combos where you can order chow mein and pot stickers with your beer. The downstairs bar was pleasantly vacant except for a few hefty ladies, whom I later made Chad flirt with for my personal entertainment. I really appreciate that they utilize an older juke box because it prevents the bad patrons from selecting bad songs. We played DJ and the entire bar went apeshit for our selections (this happens a lot; we have good taste). When I played ‘Heaven’ by Warrant, the bartender blasted the volume and everyone started swaying and singing along. A beautiful moment, indeed.
Update: Through an internet search, I discovered that they serve Scorpion Bowls. Um…I will be returning.
Rating: xx
Situated in the heart of Chinatown, Hop Louie is one of those dive bar/restaurant combos where you can order chow mein and pot stickers with your beer. The downstairs bar was pleasantly vacant except for a few hefty ladies, whom I later made Chad flirt with for my personal entertainment. I really appreciate that they utilize an older juke box because it prevents the bad patrons from selecting bad songs. We played DJ and the entire bar went apeshit for our selections (this happens a lot; we have good taste). When I played ‘Heaven’ by Warrant, the bartender blasted the volume and everyone started swaying and singing along. A beautiful moment, indeed.
Update: Through an internet search, I discovered that they serve Scorpion Bowls. Um…I will be returning.
Rating: xx
Indian Room
952 S Pacific Ave
San Pedro, CA 90731
I did like the jukebox situation in this bar, but nothing else really stood out to me.
Rating: xxx
Rating: xxx
Jumbo's Clown Room
5153 Hollywood Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90027
I was told there would be tranny strippers…there were no tranny strippers. I was not impressed. Take me to Gold Diggers!
Rating: xxx
Rating: xxx
Kibitz Room
419 N Fairfax Ave
West Hollywood, CA 90046
Nobody has a bigger boner for classic rock and heavy metal
than I do. Because Los Angeles is a goldmine when it comes to rock ‘n’ roll
history, I naturally want to visit all the locations associated with my
favorite bands. Canters, quite famously, was a popular hang-out for the guys in
Guns ‘n’ Roses, and the adjacent bar, the Kibitz Room, was the venue that
launched dozens of the bands from that era.
Chad and his former band, Unknown Boy, also played the Kibitz Room. Yup, all the rock royalty plays the Kibitz Room at some point in their career.
It’s a Wednesday night, and Chad and I have some time to kill before seeing a late screening of ‘Samurai Cop’, (***side note – if you haven’t seen this movie, you should. It’s pretty much the greatest movie of all time, even better than ‘The Room’ and ‘Troll 2’. Yes, that good.***), so we decide to stop by Canters for some dinner and drinks. After downing a couple turkey-on-ryes, we head to the Kibitz Room.
It’s a pretty amazing, skuzzy bar, complete with a small stage, a couple of dusty leather booths, and, of course, old-school jukebox! The bartender looks like skinny Santa Claus, so I’m instantly smitten. The other patrons are appropriately diverse, and the drinks are stiff and inexpensive. Chad strikes up a conversation with the random dude next to him because he has a gonzo tattoo and Chad reads a lot more than I do and knows what that is. When the guy says he’s NOT a Hunter S. Thompson fan and got the tattoo ironically, I think Chad is about to spit-take Tullamore Dew.
I let Chad argue with the guy next to him, while I get up to take a look at the music selection. After flipping through, I see they have Dirt by Alice in Chains and get more excited than a person probably should. I play a few songs, then grab Chad before he gets in a fistfight with the smug stranger, and head over to the Cinefamily theater.
The Kibitz Room – a quality bar.
Rating: xx
Chad and his former band, Unknown Boy, also played the Kibitz Room. Yup, all the rock royalty plays the Kibitz Room at some point in their career.
It’s a Wednesday night, and Chad and I have some time to kill before seeing a late screening of ‘Samurai Cop’, (***side note – if you haven’t seen this movie, you should. It’s pretty much the greatest movie of all time, even better than ‘The Room’ and ‘Troll 2’. Yes, that good.***), so we decide to stop by Canters for some dinner and drinks. After downing a couple turkey-on-ryes, we head to the Kibitz Room.
It’s a pretty amazing, skuzzy bar, complete with a small stage, a couple of dusty leather booths, and, of course, old-school jukebox! The bartender looks like skinny Santa Claus, so I’m instantly smitten. The other patrons are appropriately diverse, and the drinks are stiff and inexpensive. Chad strikes up a conversation with the random dude next to him because he has a gonzo tattoo and Chad reads a lot more than I do and knows what that is. When the guy says he’s NOT a Hunter S. Thompson fan and got the tattoo ironically, I think Chad is about to spit-take Tullamore Dew.
I let Chad argue with the guy next to him, while I get up to take a look at the music selection. After flipping through, I see they have Dirt by Alice in Chains and get more excited than a person probably should. I play a few songs, then grab Chad before he gets in a fistfight with the smug stranger, and head over to the Cinefamily theater.
The Kibitz Room – a quality bar.
Rating: xx
La Cita
336 S Hill St
Los Angeles, CA 90013
Review coming soon!
Lei Aloha
5622 W Manchester Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90045
Review coming soon!
Lost & Found
11700 National Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90064
Review coming soon!
Melody Lounge
939 N Hill St
Los Angeles, CA 90012
After splitting a large pitcher of margaritas at La Golondrina on Olvera Street, a day-drunk Chad and I stumble over to Chinatown to visit a favorite watering hole: Hop Louie. Unfortunately, Hop Louie is closed, so we wander around until we find something equally dirty and inviting. From the outside, the Melody Lounge appears to fit the bill: run-down sign, sandwiched between two "nice" gift shops, and desperately in need of a paint job....BINGO! We walk in and are put off by the unexpectedly hip atmosphere. Dozens of small paper lanterns hang from the ceiling, cascading dim light over the young couples cozied up on the PVC cushions surrounding the left side of the bar.
We take a seat at the bar and realize it's a beer-only bar, no problem. We order two beers, then attempt to pay with a card. Cash only. Boooo.
Positive points of interest: the bartender was quiet and the patrons kept to themselves. I think I heard Chad mutter "I hate people" only once during our entire twenty minute visit (I believe in reference to the colorfully-dressed Asian couple canoodling and giggling inappropriately loud in the corner). Also, they have a record player and, at the time, the bartender was playing some bluesy female-fronted music.
I left my pink wooden bird magnet at the bar. I think the species of bird is Toucan. If you find it, please contact me ASAP.
Rating: x
We take a seat at the bar and realize it's a beer-only bar, no problem. We order two beers, then attempt to pay with a card. Cash only. Boooo.
Positive points of interest: the bartender was quiet and the patrons kept to themselves. I think I heard Chad mutter "I hate people" only once during our entire twenty minute visit (I believe in reference to the colorfully-dressed Asian couple canoodling and giggling inappropriately loud in the corner). Also, they have a record player and, at the time, the bartender was playing some bluesy female-fronted music.
I left my pink wooden bird magnet at the bar. I think the species of bird is Toucan. If you find it, please contact me ASAP.
Rating: x
Pat's II Cocktail Lounge
1312 S Pacific Coast Hwy
Redondo Beach, CA 90277
Review coming soon!
Pogo's
17314 Saticoy St
Van Nuys, CA 91406
Review coming soon!
Power House
1714 N Highland Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90028
I need to stop drinking on school nights...
On Sunday, Chad surprised me by taking me to Power House, a dirty bar I've wanted to visit ever since I worked on Cahuenga. From the outside, Power House looks like a dive...and then you walk inside...mega dive.
We stop in for a quick drink before lunch, but soon one drink turns into four and that's when the weird shit went down.
We park at the bar and order a round of drinks. The clientele consists of younger rocker dudes on our right and a guy with his Dachshund to our left. The bartender is looking all cute and streetwise in her newsboy cap. The walls are covered in vintage, garage sale art, and everything has the yellowish tinge of cigarette smoke. The bathroom is covered in graffiti and lacks a mirror, ala the Blue Lagoon in Santa Cruz.
Chad goes to the juke box to play some music and I start flipping through an issue of 'Girls and Corpses' that we bought at a nearby newsstand. I feel someone caress my arm and look up to find a smiling man who is not my boyfriend.
UMMMM.....
He starts asking me questions in a thick Russian accent, which I can hardly articulate, so I redirect my attention to my phone. I know the Russian is still standing next to me, as I can feel his gaze and heavy breathing over my right shoulder. I keep looking over at a completely oblivious Chad, who is clearly enamored by the CD-style juke box. The bartender comes over to check on me, and shortly thereafter, Chad comes back and reclaims his bar stool. He doesn't at all seem weirded out by the smiling Russian dude two inches away from him.
The Russian is having a hard time standing, so Chad offers him his stool. The bartender rewards our good deed with a shot of Fireball.
After we leave, we run into the patron with the weiner dog. He shouts over at me, "That guy hitting on you was the weirdest thing I've ever seen"...
Oh, Hollywood.
Rating: xxx
On Sunday, Chad surprised me by taking me to Power House, a dirty bar I've wanted to visit ever since I worked on Cahuenga. From the outside, Power House looks like a dive...and then you walk inside...mega dive.
We stop in for a quick drink before lunch, but soon one drink turns into four and that's when the weird shit went down.
We park at the bar and order a round of drinks. The clientele consists of younger rocker dudes on our right and a guy with his Dachshund to our left. The bartender is looking all cute and streetwise in her newsboy cap. The walls are covered in vintage, garage sale art, and everything has the yellowish tinge of cigarette smoke. The bathroom is covered in graffiti and lacks a mirror, ala the Blue Lagoon in Santa Cruz.
Chad goes to the juke box to play some music and I start flipping through an issue of 'Girls and Corpses' that we bought at a nearby newsstand. I feel someone caress my arm and look up to find a smiling man who is not my boyfriend.
UMMMM.....
He starts asking me questions in a thick Russian accent, which I can hardly articulate, so I redirect my attention to my phone. I know the Russian is still standing next to me, as I can feel his gaze and heavy breathing over my right shoulder. I keep looking over at a completely oblivious Chad, who is clearly enamored by the CD-style juke box. The bartender comes over to check on me, and shortly thereafter, Chad comes back and reclaims his bar stool. He doesn't at all seem weirded out by the smiling Russian dude two inches away from him.
The Russian is having a hard time standing, so Chad offers him his stool. The bartender rewards our good deed with a shot of Fireball.
After we leave, we run into the patron with the weiner dog. He shouts over at me, "That guy hitting on you was the weirdest thing I've ever seen"...
Oh, Hollywood.
Rating: xxx
Prime Time Pub
5556 Santa Monica Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90038
I don't do karaoke, so here is a review pertaining to the time frame of weekdays, 5:00p - 8:00p:
The Prime Time Pub is the bar Chad and I visit most often after a shitty day at work. The top spot was previously held by the glorious Gold Diggers (about two blocks west on Santa Monica Blvd.), which was knocked to second place upon discovering Prime Time's parking lot. Usually we'll walk over to Gold Diggers after for a drink. Shhh...don't tell.
There are a few faces guaranteed to be seen at this time:
1) A reasonably well-dressed alcoholic who is usually passed out in the white plastic chair out back by 7:00p. Please see corresponding picture(s) in the photos section of the site.
2) A stout Mexican named Georgie, who is always looking to pick a fight and pick up your lady. He offered to buy me a case of my beer of choice. I politely declined.
3) The bartender, I think her name is Reelay (Weelay? You can never tell what those Asians are saying) is pretty entertaining. If you get her started, she'll talk your ear off about anything from her tooth pain to ugly, skinny babies who cry like cats. I usually just smile and nod my head, hoping someone orders a drink so she'll stop talking.
The drinks are cheap, and since we're pretty and come often, we rarely have to tell them our order. They just know.
I'd also like to point out the music variety at the Prime Time Pub. The weekday afternoon crowd really knows how to pick 'em. I've walked in while Benny Mardones' 'Into the Night' is playing and it truly sets the tone for the forthcoming experience. Love.
Rating: xxx
The Prime Time Pub is the bar Chad and I visit most often after a shitty day at work. The top spot was previously held by the glorious Gold Diggers (about two blocks west on Santa Monica Blvd.), which was knocked to second place upon discovering Prime Time's parking lot. Usually we'll walk over to Gold Diggers after for a drink. Shhh...don't tell.
There are a few faces guaranteed to be seen at this time:
1) A reasonably well-dressed alcoholic who is usually passed out in the white plastic chair out back by 7:00p. Please see corresponding picture(s) in the photos section of the site.
2) A stout Mexican named Georgie, who is always looking to pick a fight and pick up your lady. He offered to buy me a case of my beer of choice. I politely declined.
3) The bartender, I think her name is Reelay (Weelay? You can never tell what those Asians are saying) is pretty entertaining. If you get her started, she'll talk your ear off about anything from her tooth pain to ugly, skinny babies who cry like cats. I usually just smile and nod my head, hoping someone orders a drink so she'll stop talking.
The drinks are cheap, and since we're pretty and come often, we rarely have to tell them our order. They just know.
I'd also like to point out the music variety at the Prime Time Pub. The weekday afternoon crowd really knows how to pick 'em. I've walked in while Benny Mardones' 'Into the Night' is playing and it truly sets the tone for the forthcoming experience. Love.
Rating: xxx
Prince O' Whales
335 Culver Blvd
Playa Del Rey, CA 90293
While scanning the internet to find more dive bars near the Westside, I come across reviews of Prince O’ Wales. Naturally, the name and cartoon whale on the sign catch my attention. Chad and I head over one night after work, driving through miles of misty marshland to arrive at our destination. Initially, we don’t notice Prince O’ Whales on our right-hand side because the cartoon whale is…GONE!?! Since we have already made the trek out here, we decide to get past our resentment for the lack of whale and stop in. The bar is relatively empty with just a father and son (or maybe man and his boy toy) sitting at the end. The bartender is a bohemian type and she doesn’t get upset at me when I spill beer everywhere. The prices seem fair and the ambiance, I can only describe as the embodiment of The Looking Glass’ song ‘Brandy’. I’m sure this bar gets swarms of LMU students in the summer, but during overcast finals season, I am definitely coming back, especially because I’m dying to go to both the Harbor Room and Cantalini’s.
Rating: xx
Rating: xx
Rebel's Cocktail Lounge
2216 S Pacific Ave
San Pedro, CA 90731
Rebel’s didn’t stand out to me. I remember dollar bills on the ceiling..and that’s pretty much it. I was really craving Pizza Hut when I went. Anyway, if given the chance to spend an afternoon in San Pedro, I’d rather go to The Spot.
Rating: xx
Rating: xx
Richmond Bar & Grill
145 Richmond Street
El Segundo, CA 90245
Review coming soon!
Roadhouse Bar & Grill
3103 W 190th St
Torrance, CA 90504
Review coming soon!
Sassafras
1233 N. Vine St
Los Angeles, CA 90038
I love the idea of Sassafras; the theme and complimenting décor are great. The only thing I can see keeping me away from this bar is the nighttime crowd that consists almost entirely of dirty, douchebag hipsters.
Rating: x
Rating: x
Scarlet Lady Saloon
5411 Sepulveda Blvd
Culver City, CA 90230
I think this is a lesbian bar and I usually only go inside because it’s right next to The Tattle Tale Room. I am currently going through a Melissa Etheridge phase, so I’ll probably need to give it another go.
Rating: xx
Rating: xx
Speak Easy Cocktail Lounge
1326 Pico Blvd
Santa Monica, CA 90405
Review coming soon!
Sportsman's Lounge
3953 Artesia Blvd
Torrance, CA 90504
'CHEERS' REINCARNATED...
I discovered Sportsman's Lounge when I desperately needed a bottle of water.
----There's a Starbucks. Perfect, I have a gift card.
I park in front of double glass doors, one reading SPORTSMANS, the other, LOUNGE. My eyes light up and my heart starts racing. Could this be a...(completely unexpected and delightfully dirty) dive bar?
I get out of my car and take peek inside. A big cloud of tobacco smoke slaps me in the face as I open the door. I immediately text Chad, hands shaking in excitement, "BABY, I just found a place we need to check out!"
The following Sunday afternoon, on a whim, we decide to stop in...
Every bar stool is taken, except for two at the end. We hesitantly swoop the remaining two. The bartender IDs us, giving me a particularly judgmental stare-down. When she reads I'm well over 21, she says, "I'm sorry, you just look like a baby." That's my girl!
Noticing everyone is smoking, Chad lights up an American Spirit and instantly bonds with the locals surrounding the bar. Everyone seems like family, joking and laughing and racial slurs flying. Flynn, the cute, round Italian, is the brunt of most of the banter. The patrons encourage us to try some of the potluck food, which they bring in every weekend. The owner, a rough-looking broad chugging her own private liter of Diet 7 Up, buys me a shot of some raspberry liqueur. Thanks!
Sportsman's Lounge is located in a small strip mall on the corner of Artesia and Prairie. It is very nondescript, with just the etching on the glass doors to invite curious outsiders in. If you're a bit daring and not an asshole, I recommend checking out this bar.
Rating: xx
I discovered Sportsman's Lounge when I desperately needed a bottle of water.
----There's a Starbucks. Perfect, I have a gift card.
I park in front of double glass doors, one reading SPORTSMANS, the other, LOUNGE. My eyes light up and my heart starts racing. Could this be a...(completely unexpected and delightfully dirty) dive bar?
I get out of my car and take peek inside. A big cloud of tobacco smoke slaps me in the face as I open the door. I immediately text Chad, hands shaking in excitement, "BABY, I just found a place we need to check out!"
The following Sunday afternoon, on a whim, we decide to stop in...
Every bar stool is taken, except for two at the end. We hesitantly swoop the remaining two. The bartender IDs us, giving me a particularly judgmental stare-down. When she reads I'm well over 21, she says, "I'm sorry, you just look like a baby." That's my girl!
Noticing everyone is smoking, Chad lights up an American Spirit and instantly bonds with the locals surrounding the bar. Everyone seems like family, joking and laughing and racial slurs flying. Flynn, the cute, round Italian, is the brunt of most of the banter. The patrons encourage us to try some of the potluck food, which they bring in every weekend. The owner, a rough-looking broad chugging her own private liter of Diet 7 Up, buys me a shot of some raspberry liqueur. Thanks!
Sportsman's Lounge is located in a small strip mall on the corner of Artesia and Prairie. It is very nondescript, with just the etching on the glass doors to invite curious outsiders in. If you're a bit daring and not an asshole, I recommend checking out this bar.
Rating: xx
The Spot
2139 S Pacific Ave
San Pedro, CA 90731
I have fond memories of my one visit to The Spot. The selling feature would be the bulletin board plastered with faded Polaroid pictures featuring patrons of the good, the bad, and the ugly varieties. When asked how to get one’s picture on the board, the bartender smiled her toothless smile and said, “well, most of them are dead.” I give this bar an A+ for quality...and a triple ‘x’ in dirty.
Rating: xxx
Rating: xxx
Tattle Tale Room
5401 Sepulveda Blvd
Culver City, CA 90230
I’m a huge fan, devoted patron, and personal friend of THE Roger of Roger’s Exciting Tattle Tale Cocktails. Every experience here has been completely unique, with all sorts of weird people and situations to tell my friends about come morning.
When I first discovered The Tattle Tale Room upon moving to Culver City in 2010, I knew it was a winner purely based on its name and sign. Then, through various visits, I’ve met every form of human life imaginable: leathery, old Regatta champions, Adam Sandler’s biggest fans (seriously?), and even a little old woman named Flo who touched my boyfriend’s dick in front of me on New Year’s Eve. Can you really get mad at her, though? She’s, like, 80. I’m not a huge karaoke fan, but it’s generally pretty entertaining here...the song selections tend to get pretty filthy. Bartender Melissa is great and hooks it up with the free drink tokens.
Rating: xx
When I first discovered The Tattle Tale Room upon moving to Culver City in 2010, I knew it was a winner purely based on its name and sign. Then, through various visits, I’ve met every form of human life imaginable: leathery, old Regatta champions, Adam Sandler’s biggest fans (seriously?), and even a little old woman named Flo who touched my boyfriend’s dick in front of me on New Year’s Eve. Can you really get mad at her, though? She’s, like, 80. I’m not a huge karaoke fan, but it’s generally pretty entertaining here...the song selections tend to get pretty filthy. Bartender Melissa is great and hooks it up with the free drink tokens.
Rating: xx
The Thirsty Club
2705 Artesia Blvd
Redondo Beach, CA 90278
Although
your parents (and society as a whole) may beg to differ, there are a few
redeeming qualities to Day Drinking:
1) THE HOUSE VIBE - It is next to impossible to get a feel for a bar when it’s packed asshole to belly button with drunken dude-bros on a Friday or Saturday night. Unless, of course, your sole purpose for a night out is to come home smelling like Jagermeister that some jag-off spilled all over you on the road to date rape glory. Or if you’re into karaoke. It’s amazing how many people think it’s still 1992 and Wayne Campbell and Garth Algar requested a rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody (this is generally followed by someone singing “Friends In Low Places”. Just fucking kill me…). The arrival of the Karaoke Jockey around 8pm is kind of like the street lights coming on as a kid – time to go home.
2) DRINK SPECIALS - More bang for your buck. ‘Nuf said.
3) THE FREAK FACTOR - Lastly, it’s refreshing to hang out every now and again with a room full of people whose lives are clearly more fucked up than yours. Usually the juke is low enough to carry on a conversation with these folks during the day so you can add to your list of things never to tell a stranger. Also, the bartenders are less busy and more apt to chat. This means that if the crazy guy with one eye and a unicorn tattoo at the end of the bar hasn’t told you about the time he dropped his balls on a nest of fire ants for 20 dollars and a half bottle of Dr McGillicuddys, the bartender will break the ice for you.
Anyway, Alyssa just turned 21 (again) this weekend so we took a quick staycation to Redondo Beach for some much needed R&R at Fusion Sushi and Old Tony’s. [Side note – there is no reason to purchase glassware if you live near Old Tony’s on The Pier. Although not as novel as the tiki glasses from Joe’s Crab Shack, the Fire Chief glasses from Old Tony’s will meet all your needs and they’re yours to take home.] On the way down we stopped at a place we’ve passed numerous times called The Thirsty Club.
From the outside it looks like it may have potential. The inside is really nothing spectacular. Every inch of the walls is covered with beer signs and neon and sports stuff. Whatever, seen it before. The setup at the bar was pretty cool though. The stools are mounted on a brick ledge about a foot and a half off the floor putting you up on a proper kingly stoop from which to look down upon the masses. The far end of the bar hooks around in a horseshoe. There were some biker types and some rough broads at the far end of the horseshoe but we sat next to a guy drinking Coors, alone, at 2 o’clock on a Friday afternoon. I understand why because he was kind of weird.
A couple of sips into our first round somebody buys him a shot but he couldn’t figure out what to order. I don’t drink shots, he says which I find hard to believe because dude was shitfaced and I don’t know how many weeks that would take from just drinking Coors. I suggest whiskey and he orders a Fireball. WTF? He chokes it down and then asks if we’d like to hear some Def Leppard. We answer ‘hell yeah’ in stereo. He makes some good choices at the juke (Dead Kennedys, Van Halen and Def Leppard) and then starts talking:
“I programmed this song,” he says.
“Great song,” I reply.
“Did you program that last one?”
“Nope.”
“You better not have put a five in there or I’ll never hear the songs I programmed. I just programmed like ten songs.”
What’s with this “programmed” talk? Over the next hour he must have said it 30 times. He rambled on for a while about how he’s new to the area, all the places he’s lived, how expensive it can get when you buy rounds for the bar, how awesome Van Halen was (this guy really loves Van Halen), and finally:
“When’s the last time you shaved?” he asks.
“I don’t know...8 months, give or take.”
“Your wifey doesn’t mind?”
“I don’t know, wifey,” I say turning to Alyssa, “do you mind?”
“Not at all,” Alyssa says with a pervy grin.
The Juke Programmer turns back to his Coors and mumbles, “Humpf. Beard.”
The Thirsty Club is not a bad place to spend an afternoon. Although not the seediest of joints, it was fun and the tab came to a whole 20 bucks. I’ll give it a double ‘X’ as there was a bar dog roaming around.
Rating: xx
1) THE HOUSE VIBE - It is next to impossible to get a feel for a bar when it’s packed asshole to belly button with drunken dude-bros on a Friday or Saturday night. Unless, of course, your sole purpose for a night out is to come home smelling like Jagermeister that some jag-off spilled all over you on the road to date rape glory. Or if you’re into karaoke. It’s amazing how many people think it’s still 1992 and Wayne Campbell and Garth Algar requested a rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody (this is generally followed by someone singing “Friends In Low Places”. Just fucking kill me…). The arrival of the Karaoke Jockey around 8pm is kind of like the street lights coming on as a kid – time to go home.
2) DRINK SPECIALS - More bang for your buck. ‘Nuf said.
3) THE FREAK FACTOR - Lastly, it’s refreshing to hang out every now and again with a room full of people whose lives are clearly more fucked up than yours. Usually the juke is low enough to carry on a conversation with these folks during the day so you can add to your list of things never to tell a stranger. Also, the bartenders are less busy and more apt to chat. This means that if the crazy guy with one eye and a unicorn tattoo at the end of the bar hasn’t told you about the time he dropped his balls on a nest of fire ants for 20 dollars and a half bottle of Dr McGillicuddys, the bartender will break the ice for you.
Anyway, Alyssa just turned 21 (again) this weekend so we took a quick staycation to Redondo Beach for some much needed R&R at Fusion Sushi and Old Tony’s. [Side note – there is no reason to purchase glassware if you live near Old Tony’s on The Pier. Although not as novel as the tiki glasses from Joe’s Crab Shack, the Fire Chief glasses from Old Tony’s will meet all your needs and they’re yours to take home.] On the way down we stopped at a place we’ve passed numerous times called The Thirsty Club.
From the outside it looks like it may have potential. The inside is really nothing spectacular. Every inch of the walls is covered with beer signs and neon and sports stuff. Whatever, seen it before. The setup at the bar was pretty cool though. The stools are mounted on a brick ledge about a foot and a half off the floor putting you up on a proper kingly stoop from which to look down upon the masses. The far end of the bar hooks around in a horseshoe. There were some biker types and some rough broads at the far end of the horseshoe but we sat next to a guy drinking Coors, alone, at 2 o’clock on a Friday afternoon. I understand why because he was kind of weird.
A couple of sips into our first round somebody buys him a shot but he couldn’t figure out what to order. I don’t drink shots, he says which I find hard to believe because dude was shitfaced and I don’t know how many weeks that would take from just drinking Coors. I suggest whiskey and he orders a Fireball. WTF? He chokes it down and then asks if we’d like to hear some Def Leppard. We answer ‘hell yeah’ in stereo. He makes some good choices at the juke (Dead Kennedys, Van Halen and Def Leppard) and then starts talking:
“I programmed this song,” he says.
“Great song,” I reply.
“Did you program that last one?”
“Nope.”
“You better not have put a five in there or I’ll never hear the songs I programmed. I just programmed like ten songs.”
What’s with this “programmed” talk? Over the next hour he must have said it 30 times. He rambled on for a while about how he’s new to the area, all the places he’s lived, how expensive it can get when you buy rounds for the bar, how awesome Van Halen was (this guy really loves Van Halen), and finally:
“When’s the last time you shaved?” he asks.
“I don’t know...8 months, give or take.”
“Your wifey doesn’t mind?”
“I don’t know, wifey,” I say turning to Alyssa, “do you mind?”
“Not at all,” Alyssa says with a pervy grin.
The Juke Programmer turns back to his Coors and mumbles, “Humpf. Beard.”
The Thirsty Club is not a bad place to spend an afternoon. Although not the seediest of joints, it was fun and the tab came to a whole 20 bucks. I’ll give it a double ‘X’ as there was a bar dog roaming around.
Rating: xx
Walker's Cafe
700 W Paseo Del Mar
San Pedro, CA 90731
When I told my friend Sarah (a San Pedro native) that I went to Walker’s, she was completely horrified. She was under the impression that it’s owned by the Hell’s Angels and that people are murdered there on a semi-regular basis. All that I really remember about Walker’s is how badly it stunk of shit, until they started cooking, and the shit scent was masked by the smell of deep-fried something.
Rating: xxx
Rating: xxx
Ye Rustic Inn
1831 Hillhurst Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90027
Review coming soon!
Zebra Room
20930 Hawthorne Blvd
Torrance, CA 90503
Jello shots! Jello shots! And they’re in syringes!
Rating: xxx
Rating: xxx
Monterey County
The Moss Landing Inn
7902 California Hwy 1
Moss Landing, CA 95039
Review coming soon!
Orange County
C'est Si Bon
6638 Westminster Blvd
Westminster, CA 92683
Review coming soon!
Placer County
The Glass Turtle
901 Sunrise Ave Ste A17
Roseville, CA 95661
Review coming soon!
Riverside County
Hair of the Dog
238 N Palm Canyon Dr
Palm Springs, CA 92262
Review coming soon!
Stop In
2981 S La Cadena Dr
Colton, CA 92324
Driving home to LA from Big Bear, Chad and I spot Stop In on the side of the road. In completely synchronized fashion, our eyes widen, our jaws drop, and the car comes to a screeching halt. We park in the dusty, unpaved lot and run to the entrance, grinning from ear to ear, like two kids in a candy shop. Upon entering, the thick, big-breasted bartender greets us with a confused look on her face. Clearly, we don’t look like Stop In's regular clientele, but really, who gives a shit? This place exudes everything I love about a quality dive bar: cheap beer, crusty old patrons, exposed drywall. Stop In? Why yes, yes I will.
Rating: xxx
Rating: xxx
Village Pub
266 S Palm Canyon Dr
Palm Springs, CA 92262
Review coming soon!
Sacramento County
Cheaters
3221 Folsom Blvd
Sacramento, CA 95816
Review coming soon!
Club Raven
3246 J St
Sacramento, CA 95816
Review coming soon!
Ernie's Interlude
2926 Eastern Ave
Sacramento, CA 95821
Review coming soon!
The Limelight
1014 Alhambra Blvd
Sacramento, CA 95816
Review coming soon!
The Long Shot
4239 Arden Way
Sacramento, CA 95864
Review coming soon!
Maple Room
2740 Arden Wy
Sacramento, CA 95825
Review coming soon!
On the Y
670 Fulton Ave
Sacramento, CA 95825
Review coming soon!
Pied Piper
3415 El Camino Ave
Sacramento, CA 95821
Review coming soon!
SoCal's Tavern
5200 Folsom Blvd
Sacramento, CA 95819
Review coming soon!
Ye Ol Sticky Wicket
5147 Madison Ave
Sacramento, CA 95841
Review coming soon!
San Bernardino County
B's Boathouse
350 Alden Road
Big Bear Lake, CA 92315
I have mixed feelings about B’s Boathouse. Part of me loves everything about it: right on the water, cheap alcohol, rough looking employees…BUT then you take a look at the patrons, and everyone in there is a fucking hipster. No thanks. The music selections were so bad that they literally forced me out of the bar.
Rating: x
Rating: x
Black Diamond Tavern
42172 Moonridge Rd
Big Bear Lake, CA 92315
We stopped in the Black Diamond Tavern, only for a minute, on our way out of Big Bear. Being early afternoon, this place was practically empty. It’s certainly not a dive bar, but seems like a good place to bring friends and enjoy some live music. I chatted with the bartender for a bit and she explained that an outdoor music space was in the works. I’d give this place another shot in a couple of months.
Rating: x
Rating: x
Chad's Place
40740 Village Dr
Big Bear Lake, CA 92315
I’m down with the Chad’s Place. It reminds me of an old biker bar, complete with stage, dance floor, ample seating, and back patio. I’m always a sucker for some live music, and this place hooked it up with a slew of bearded instrumentalists and a singer with looks and pipes comparable to Ann Wilson. We hit this place in the daytime, as we had a hot tub to tend to during the evening, so I think we (unfortunately) missed any prospective rowdy crowds.
Rating: xx
Rating: xx
The Flamingo
- 340 Orange St
Redlands, CA 92373
Redlands, CA 92373
Well, what a pleasant surprise stumbling across this gem!
Stuck in bumper to bumper traffic on the 10 East heading toward Morongo Casino, Chad and I decide to take the first opportunity to exit and grab lunch. After a casual meal at the Old Spaghetti Factory, we head back toward the freeway, taking the long route through Downtown Redlands.
Sidenote: I remember going to Redlands once before in my life - to check out the college when my brother was a senior in high school. Feeling nostalgic, I go on Wikipedia to scope out the notable alumni and discover an author named Laurel Rose Wilson. Apparently, she wrote books claiming she was the victim of satanic ritual abuse, then later, under a different alias, claimed she was a Holocaust survivor...cool chick, huh?
Anyway, while bantering about how cute Redlands is, I turn my head to the right and notice a beautiful, 70s-style sign emblazoned with the name 'The Flamingo'. Both of us, simultaneously, start freaking out, and immediately pull the car over. Unfortunately, a group of young people in Graduation Day attire also notice the awesome sign and enter right before us, completely monopolizing the jukebox and playing terrible music. I mean, who plays Kings of Leon in a dive bar?! We are lucky enough to have a brief moment of bliss while walking in, as Whitesnake's 'Give Me All Your Love' blares from the speakers.
The bar itself is huge - plenty of seating, pool tables, shuffle board, and even a...wait for it...Metallica pinball machine!!! Drinks are inexpensive, as expected, and the bartender is totally fun and completely kookoo. She greets us with "I haven't seen you guys in a while"...uh try never, then proceeds to ask me for my ID on two separate occasions. Oh, Ambien.
I so want to have my birthday party here!
Although I probably won't be in the Redlands area much in the near future, if I ever am, you'll find me at the Dirty Bird.
Rating: xx
Stuck in bumper to bumper traffic on the 10 East heading toward Morongo Casino, Chad and I decide to take the first opportunity to exit and grab lunch. After a casual meal at the Old Spaghetti Factory, we head back toward the freeway, taking the long route through Downtown Redlands.
Sidenote: I remember going to Redlands once before in my life - to check out the college when my brother was a senior in high school. Feeling nostalgic, I go on Wikipedia to scope out the notable alumni and discover an author named Laurel Rose Wilson. Apparently, she wrote books claiming she was the victim of satanic ritual abuse, then later, under a different alias, claimed she was a Holocaust survivor...cool chick, huh?
Anyway, while bantering about how cute Redlands is, I turn my head to the right and notice a beautiful, 70s-style sign emblazoned with the name 'The Flamingo'. Both of us, simultaneously, start freaking out, and immediately pull the car over. Unfortunately, a group of young people in Graduation Day attire also notice the awesome sign and enter right before us, completely monopolizing the jukebox and playing terrible music. I mean, who plays Kings of Leon in a dive bar?! We are lucky enough to have a brief moment of bliss while walking in, as Whitesnake's 'Give Me All Your Love' blares from the speakers.
The bar itself is huge - plenty of seating, pool tables, shuffle board, and even a...wait for it...Metallica pinball machine!!! Drinks are inexpensive, as expected, and the bartender is totally fun and completely kookoo. She greets us with "I haven't seen you guys in a while"...uh try never, then proceeds to ask me for my ID on two separate occasions. Oh, Ambien.
I so want to have my birthday party here!
Although I probably won't be in the Redlands area much in the near future, if I ever am, you'll find me at the Dirty Bird.
Rating: xx
Murray's Saloon and Eatery
672 Cottage Ln
Big Bear Lake, CA 92315
I fell in love with Murray’s the moment I stepped inside and my love only grew throughout my 30 minutes of being there. Because I have social anxiety, I generally avoid crowded bars, but the atmosphere at Murray’s felt welcoming…aaand there just so happened to be one last empty table for two in the corner.
Our waitress, a weathered brunette with circus tits and a big smile came by to take our order. We ordered two pints of beer, bacon-wrapped jalapeno poppers, and fried mushrooms. The total tab: about $15(!?). The bacon-wrapped jalapeno poppers were incredible. I think my asshole is still on fire.
The ambiance is a hybrid of dive bar and sports bar. Like, the walls are plastered with autographed dollar bills and the wooden tables are so distressed they're sticky, but the waitresses are cute and there are plenty of big-screen TVs so the dudebros can watch their games.
Can you find The Underbelly's dollar taped to the wall? Hint: it's under a TV.
Perfection.
Rating: xx
Our waitress, a weathered brunette with circus tits and a big smile came by to take our order. We ordered two pints of beer, bacon-wrapped jalapeno poppers, and fried mushrooms. The total tab: about $15(!?). The bacon-wrapped jalapeno poppers were incredible. I think my asshole is still on fire.
The ambiance is a hybrid of dive bar and sports bar. Like, the walls are plastered with autographed dollar bills and the wooden tables are so distressed they're sticky, but the waitresses are cute and there are plenty of big-screen TVs so the dudebros can watch their games.
Can you find The Underbelly's dollar taped to the wall? Hint: it's under a TV.
Perfection.
Rating: xx
San Louis Obispo County
Camozzi's Saloon
5855 El Camino Real
Atascadero, CA 93422
I visited this bar with my mother...poor decision on my part.
Dirty, dirty, dirty bar. Maybe had I visited with Chad, we would have enjoyed the people watching, but with my mother, it just felt wrong. My initial impression upon entering was "this is kinda scary, please don't rape me and my mother". All the patrons were underage tweakers who wouldn't think twice to shank you if you even joked about playing Justin Beiber on the jukebox. I'm the kind of girl who gets hit on at bars, not threatened.
The bartender, a rough broad with 80's hair and a voice like James Earl Jones, poured us drinks with a heavy hand and a kind heart. The two drinks cost under ten dollars, including a decent tip, so that worked well in our favor. We got to talking with her and she explained how the economy hit hard (yeah, no shit), but praised the town as "a great place to raise a family". She also hinted at the fact that she was a big whore back in the day...giggity!
Rating: xxx
Dirty, dirty, dirty bar. Maybe had I visited with Chad, we would have enjoyed the people watching, but with my mother, it just felt wrong. My initial impression upon entering was "this is kinda scary, please don't rape me and my mother". All the patrons were underage tweakers who wouldn't think twice to shank you if you even joked about playing Justin Beiber on the jukebox. I'm the kind of girl who gets hit on at bars, not threatened.
The bartender, a rough broad with 80's hair and a voice like James Earl Jones, poured us drinks with a heavy hand and a kind heart. The two drinks cost under ten dollars, including a decent tip, so that worked well in our favor. We got to talking with her and she explained how the economy hit hard (yeah, no shit), but praised the town as "a great place to raise a family". She also hinted at the fact that she was a big whore back in the day...giggity!
Rating: xxx
Pine Street Saloon
1234 Pine St
Paso Robles, CA 93446
Review coming soon!
Terry's Bar and Grill
5940 El Camino Real
Atascadero, CA 93422
Terry’s Bar and Grill is a quaint little dive; all the patrons were laughing and appeared to be having a good time during our visit. The drinks were inexpensive (two drinks for around $10), or maybe I'm just used to LA price inflation.
Notable points of interests:
-A piece of paper with the hand-written word ‘GRILL’ was taped to the microwave.
-A neon Budweiser sign in the shape of Tim McGraw's head hung over the entrance.
-An interesting mix of country and hip hop music flows through the jukebox. It's not necessarily my thing, but it might be yours.
-Lots of leering Mexican men. Once again, it's not necessarily my thing, but it might be yours.
Rating: xx
Notable points of interests:
-A piece of paper with the hand-written word ‘GRILL’ was taped to the microwave.
-A neon Budweiser sign in the shape of Tim McGraw's head hung over the entrance.
-An interesting mix of country and hip hop music flows through the jukebox. It's not necessarily my thing, but it might be yours.
-Lots of leering Mexican men. Once again, it's not necessarily my thing, but it might be yours.
Rating: xx
Santa Barbara County
Jasper's
114 S H St
Lompoc, CA 93436
Review coming soon!
Johnny's Bar & Grill
321 W Ocean Ave
Lompoc, CA 93436
Review coming soon!
The Wicked Shamrock
143 N H St
Lompoc, CA 93436
Review coming soon!
Santa Cruz County
The Asti
715 Pacific Ave
Santa Cruz, CA 95060
Review coming soon!
Blue Lagoon
923 Pacific Ave
Santa Cruz, CA 95060
If you only had time to go to one bar in Santa Cruz, this is the one you’d want to hit. Every night yields a different theme and drink special. There are two separate stages in the Blue Lagoon, one of which has a nightly DJ and produces crowds of sweaty, dancing people…watch out, you might just get a finger in your butt. The other stage will generally have some random Psychobilly band playing and a sparse audience. You want some stale peanut-butter filled pretzels from Costco? You got it. The bathrooms are disgusting, like, graffiti on the mirrors, AIDS on the toilet seats disgusting. I really love the Blue Lagoon.
Rating: xx
Rating: xx
Brady's Yacht Club
413 Seabright Ave
Santa Cruz, CA 95062
Review coming soon!
Cafe Pergolesi
418 Cedar St
Santa Cruz, CA 95060
Review coming soon!
Callahan's
507 Water St
Santa Cruz, CA 95060
Review coming soon!
Jury Room
712 Ocean St
Santa Cruz, CA 95060
If you’ve ever had a
pervy uncle that made you bounce on his knee while he ran his fingers through
your hair, I assure you, this guy was much, much worse.
Meet Edmund Kemper:
When he was 15 years old, he shot his grandmother in the head because he “just wanted to see what it felt like to kill Grandma”. Also, just like any other pubescent kid, he didn’t want to get in trouble for doing something really fucked up so he killed his grandfather in the driveway when he returned home with some groceries. This may be the kindest gesture of his childhood because, let’s be honest here, no man wants to come home and find his wife’s dead body.
Naturally there were signs this was coming: antisocial behavior, mutilated cats and bizarre “sexual rituals” with his sisters dolls. It’s said his mother would often lock him in the basement because she was concerned he would rape his younger sister. If a violent alcoholic with a borderline personality disorder could figure out what was on the horizon, why couldn’t anyone else?
Anyway, this charming little fella spends 5 years at the Atascadero State Hospital before they turn him loose on Santa Cruz in the early 70s. Being built like a brick house at close to 7 feet tall with a high IQ and no social skills or marketable talents, he did what came naturally: abducted female college students; stabbed, shot or smothered them; then had sex with their decapitated heads. Lots of them.
How does this have anything to do with The Underbelly you ask? Fear not, there’s a bar involved.
Being a smart and rather ballsy guy, The Co-Ed Killer starts hanging out the local cop bar, The Jury Room:
Apparently, he made friends there with the local law enforcement and they were more than happy to discuss details of the investigations after a few martinis. In this way, he was able to stay one step ahead. None suspected that the big gallute had anything to do with the murders.
Eventually, he feels the need bludgeon his mother and her neighbor with a hammer and run to Colorado where he turns himself in. He’s currently serving life without parole in Vacaville, CA.
Alyssa and I were in Santa Cruz this weekend for the Eddie Money show and decided to swing by and check the place out on Saturday morning around 10am before hitting the 19th Hole for breakfast.
This is a pretty straightforward dive: standard bar with stools and a handful of small booths. Concrete floors make mopping up the blood a breeze. There’s a fireplace for those cold NorCal evenings and a pool table, if that’s your thing. I was happy to see Guinness on tap. There are some dollar bills tacked up intermittently around the bar as if the regulars (or college students) thought about starting that tradition but quickly realized that’s one less dollar to spend on booze. Can’t imagine it’s legal, but you can smoke here.
The bloody brain-eating babies were a really nice and appropriate touch.
The Jury Room is definitely worth a look if you ever find yourself in Santa Cruz.
Rating: xxx
Meet Edmund Kemper:
When he was 15 years old, he shot his grandmother in the head because he “just wanted to see what it felt like to kill Grandma”. Also, just like any other pubescent kid, he didn’t want to get in trouble for doing something really fucked up so he killed his grandfather in the driveway when he returned home with some groceries. This may be the kindest gesture of his childhood because, let’s be honest here, no man wants to come home and find his wife’s dead body.
Naturally there were signs this was coming: antisocial behavior, mutilated cats and bizarre “sexual rituals” with his sisters dolls. It’s said his mother would often lock him in the basement because she was concerned he would rape his younger sister. If a violent alcoholic with a borderline personality disorder could figure out what was on the horizon, why couldn’t anyone else?
Anyway, this charming little fella spends 5 years at the Atascadero State Hospital before they turn him loose on Santa Cruz in the early 70s. Being built like a brick house at close to 7 feet tall with a high IQ and no social skills or marketable talents, he did what came naturally: abducted female college students; stabbed, shot or smothered them; then had sex with their decapitated heads. Lots of them.
How does this have anything to do with The Underbelly you ask? Fear not, there’s a bar involved.
Being a smart and rather ballsy guy, The Co-Ed Killer starts hanging out the local cop bar, The Jury Room:
Apparently, he made friends there with the local law enforcement and they were more than happy to discuss details of the investigations after a few martinis. In this way, he was able to stay one step ahead. None suspected that the big gallute had anything to do with the murders.
Eventually, he feels the need bludgeon his mother and her neighbor with a hammer and run to Colorado where he turns himself in. He’s currently serving life without parole in Vacaville, CA.
Alyssa and I were in Santa Cruz this weekend for the Eddie Money show and decided to swing by and check the place out on Saturday morning around 10am before hitting the 19th Hole for breakfast.
This is a pretty straightforward dive: standard bar with stools and a handful of small booths. Concrete floors make mopping up the blood a breeze. There’s a fireplace for those cold NorCal evenings and a pool table, if that’s your thing. I was happy to see Guinness on tap. There are some dollar bills tacked up intermittently around the bar as if the regulars (or college students) thought about starting that tradition but quickly realized that’s one less dollar to spend on booze. Can’t imagine it’s legal, but you can smoke here.
The bloody brain-eating babies were a really nice and appropriate touch.
The Jury Room is definitely worth a look if you ever find yourself in Santa Cruz.
Rating: xxx
Monty's Log Cabin
5755 Hwy 9
Felton, CA 95018
Complete with bar dog and bar whore, Monty’s is a dirty-good time packed inside an adorable shack in the woods.
Rating: xx
Rating: xx
One Double Oh Seven
1007 Soquel Ave
Santa Cruz, CA 95062
Review coming soon!
Red Restaurant and Bar
200 Locust St
Santa Cruz, CA 95060
Review coming soon!
The Red Room
1003 Cedar St
Santa Cruz, CA 95060
Review coming soon!
Rush Inn
113 Knight St
Santa Cruz, CA 95060
Review coming soon!
Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk
400 Beach St
Santa Cruz, CA 95060
Technically, the Boardwalk isn’t a bar, BUT we did pass around a couple forties, so I’m adding it to the list.
Rating: xx
Rating: xx
Sir Froggy's Pub
- 4771 Soquel Dr
Soquel, CA 95073
Soquel, CA 95073
Review coming soon!
Ye Olde Watering Hole
2405 Mission St
Santa Cruz, CA 95060
Yes sir. You’d think after living in Santa Cruz for four years, I would have stopped in once or twice. Since it’s located a few miles away from downtown, it just wasn’t practical. I definitely wasn’t disappointed when I did finally stop in. The ‘Watering Hole has it all: a rough-looking bartender, weird regulars, minimal furniture and wall art, an excellent name...everything!
Rating: xxx
Rating: xxx
Ventura County
The Bench Warmer
1855 E Main St
Ventura, CA 93001
Review coming soon!
GiGi's Cocktail Lounge
2493 Grand Ave
Ventura, CA 93003
While driving up the 101 for Chad's birthday weekend in Ventura, I notice a sign that reads COCKTAILS. I nudge Chad, awakening him from his nap in the passenger’s seat, and enthusiastically point at the discovery.
--Should we go?
--Yeah, let’s go!
I pull off at the next exit, make a couple turns, and find the destination: GiGi’s Cocktail Lounge. Gigi’s appears delightfully dangerous, nestled in an industrial part of Ventura with a parking lot full of dusty pickup trucks and a sign straight out of an eighties nail salon.
Without hesitation, we enter and make our way toward the far end of the bar. The place is relatively busy for a Friday afternoon, with an eclectic crowd consisting of daytime-business drunks, geriatric drunks, and one sexually-confused soldier.
The bartender is a slow-moving and slow-speaking guy reminiscent of my grandpa, who welcomes us regardless of our 'you're-not-from-around-here' appearance. We order up a couple of drinks and start discussing our plans for the remainder of the day. Mere moments after serving up our beverages, Grandpa sets two shot glasses face down in front of us, and says “Drinks on Gladys". He points to a tiny, Sofia Petrillo lookalike down at the other end of the bar and says, "She’s the owner of this place.” What an honor to have THE GiGi buy us a round.
Before we are able to finish our drinks and redeem our free ones, the aforementioned soldier parks it next to us. Wasted, he sputters "You guys look great", and proceeds to tell us how he can never go into a bar without people buying him drinks, bla, bla, bla. Eventually, we just give him one of the free drinks and leave before he tries to touch my boob or something.
I highly recommend stopping by GiGi's for an afternoon coolie if you're heading up to Ventura. Maybe you'll be lucky enough to meet Ms. GiGi too!
Rating: xx
--Should we go?
--Yeah, let’s go!
I pull off at the next exit, make a couple turns, and find the destination: GiGi’s Cocktail Lounge. Gigi’s appears delightfully dangerous, nestled in an industrial part of Ventura with a parking lot full of dusty pickup trucks and a sign straight out of an eighties nail salon.
Without hesitation, we enter and make our way toward the far end of the bar. The place is relatively busy for a Friday afternoon, with an eclectic crowd consisting of daytime-business drunks, geriatric drunks, and one sexually-confused soldier.
The bartender is a slow-moving and slow-speaking guy reminiscent of my grandpa, who welcomes us regardless of our 'you're-not-from-around-here' appearance. We order up a couple of drinks and start discussing our plans for the remainder of the day. Mere moments after serving up our beverages, Grandpa sets two shot glasses face down in front of us, and says “Drinks on Gladys". He points to a tiny, Sofia Petrillo lookalike down at the other end of the bar and says, "She’s the owner of this place.” What an honor to have THE GiGi buy us a round.
Before we are able to finish our drinks and redeem our free ones, the aforementioned soldier parks it next to us. Wasted, he sputters "You guys look great", and proceeds to tell us how he can never go into a bar without people buying him drinks, bla, bla, bla. Eventually, we just give him one of the free drinks and leave before he tries to touch my boob or something.
I highly recommend stopping by GiGi's for an afternoon coolie if you're heading up to Ventura. Maybe you'll be lucky enough to meet Ms. GiGi too!
Rating: xx
The Hub
256 E Ojai Ave
Ojai, CA 93023
This place was given some shitty reviews on Yelp, so I figured it would be a great time by my standards. It really wasn’t that dirty and I ended up recommending it to my parents (older biker crowd).
Rating: xx
Rating: xx
Red Cove
1809 E. Main St
Ventura, CA 93001
Review coming soon!
Sans Souci Cocktail Lounge
21 S Chesnut St
Ventura, CA 93002
I don't know how I feel about a bar that advertises itself as 'Ventura's Premier Dive Bar'. Being put-off by their sign upon entering, I'm sure my review is extra-critical. For that, I apologize:
We came across Sans Souci on our trek to Main Street after enjoying a few specialty cocktails at Eric Ericsson's. It looked nice and dirty and cobblestoney from the outside, so we decided to check it out. I think our visit was around 5:00pm on a Friday, so it wasn't crowded quite yet. In fact, most of the patrons (mid-thirties, righteous, unshowered types) were hanging out on the front patio, smoking Camels and waving their hands around a lot. We ordered a couple vodka-cranberries and settled at a table in the corner. No music was playing in the bar, so I felt it was my duty to serve as DJ for my twenty minute stay. Nobody was responsive to my Warrant, Skid Row, or even Three Dog Night selections. You guys suck. I'm drunk.
The salmon and Indian food-hating bartender at Paddy's also recommended we check out Sans Souci after communicating to him our affinity for dive bars.
Pass.
Rating: xx
We came across Sans Souci on our trek to Main Street after enjoying a few specialty cocktails at Eric Ericsson's. It looked nice and dirty and cobblestoney from the outside, so we decided to check it out. I think our visit was around 5:00pm on a Friday, so it wasn't crowded quite yet. In fact, most of the patrons (mid-thirties, righteous, unshowered types) were hanging out on the front patio, smoking Camels and waving their hands around a lot. We ordered a couple vodka-cranberries and settled at a table in the corner. No music was playing in the bar, so I felt it was my duty to serve as DJ for my twenty minute stay. Nobody was responsive to my Warrant, Skid Row, or even Three Dog Night selections. You guys suck. I'm drunk.
The salmon and Indian food-hating bartender at Paddy's also recommended we check out Sans Souci after communicating to him our affinity for dive bars.
Pass.
Rating: xx
Star Lounge
343 E. Main St
Ventura, CA 93001
The time I spent at Star Lounge was short and sweet. We only ordered a round of beers, which I believe were reasonably priced. I overheard the bartender say she's from Wisconsin...EVERYONE in Ventura is from Wisconsin, further reason Chad and I need to move there, so he can be with his people.
The bouncer at the front door shakes you down pretty hard, but I'll just assume that's because he thinks I'm some hot jailbait tail.
Rating: xx
The bouncer at the front door shakes you down pretty hard, but I'll just assume that's because he thinks I'm some hot jailbait tail.
Rating: xx
The Tavern
211 E Santa Clara St
Ventura, CA 93001
Review coming soon!
WASHINGTON
King County
5 Point Cafe
415 Cedar St
Seattle, WA 98121
Seattle is fucking
freezing, so my friend and I grab a couple coffees and make our way over to 5
Point Café. It is 11am, so we’ve missed Happy Hour, but based on how dirty
it looked on ‘Layover’, it would’ve been a shame if we didn’t stop in. Once we
step inside, my friend and I literally spend two minutes crammed next to
couples waiting for tables until the claustrophobia forces us out. What I
noticed: it’s a dive - definitely the dirtiest of the bars we visited this
weekend, they have a 90s-style juke box complete with CDs from that era, and,
most importantly, they take great pride in the fact that they are “alcoholics
serving alcoholics since 1929”.
Rating: xx
Rating: xx
Blue Moon Tavern
712 NE 45th St
Seattle, WA 98105
Review coming soon!
The Central Saloon
207 1st Ave S
Seattle, WA 98127
After a failed trip to 5 Point Café, we head over to The Central Saloon
for some Seattle rock ’n’ roll history. Open since 1892, it is the oldest
saloon in Seattle. Mother Love Bone played their last show here before Andrew
Wood died of a fatal heroin overdose. I stand in the doorway and feel
chills roll up my spine: it’s that good. No, it’s not as dirty and dingy as its
website makes you think, but it has a very classic, wood-and-leather look that
I find equally as fun. Anna orders a shot of Jack and I order my usual screwdriver.
Make it a double for a dollar more? Yes please.
Rating: x
Rating: x
Cha Cha Lounge
1013 E. Pike St
Seattle, WA 98122
I end up at Cha Cha Lounge because my friend wants to show me where she
met her on-again, off-again boyfriend. Unfortunately, this is the same brand of
Cha Cha as in Los Angeles, and there is a reason I avoid this place…
coughhipsterscoughcough. Fortunately, this location is homey with sombreros and
paintings of Mexican wrestlers on the walls. There's a weird homage to Peter
Criss, the least-popular of the original Kiss members, painted on the wall as
well.
It’s, like, 5pm, and the bar is empty except for a bartender, covered in tattoos, dreads down to his knees, and eyes like a puppy dog. His name, Joe, and I instantly become smitten. After downing a couple vodka cranberries and shooting the shit with Joe for twenty minutes or so, we head upstairs for a burrito at Bimbos.
Thirty minutes later, we come back downstairs to discover a gang of new patrons have arrived, stealing Joe’s attention from us. We make some new friends, I guess they're plumbers. I don't know, I'm drunk at this point. Should you go to the Cha Cha? Yes, because Joe is sexy.
Rating: x
It’s, like, 5pm, and the bar is empty except for a bartender, covered in tattoos, dreads down to his knees, and eyes like a puppy dog. His name, Joe, and I instantly become smitten. After downing a couple vodka cranberries and shooting the shit with Joe for twenty minutes or so, we head upstairs for a burrito at Bimbos.
Thirty minutes later, we come back downstairs to discover a gang of new patrons have arrived, stealing Joe’s attention from us. We make some new friends, I guess they're plumbers. I don't know, I'm drunk at this point. Should you go to the Cha Cha? Yes, because Joe is sexy.
Rating: x
Comet Tavern
922 E Pike St
Seattle, WA 98122
Review coming soon!
The Crocodile
2200 2nd Ave
Seattle, WA 98121
Review coming soon!
Earl's on the Avenue
4333 University Way NE
Seattle, WA 98105
Review coming soon!
Easy Joe's
704 1st Ave
Seattle, WA 98104
Review coming soon!
The J&M Cafe
201 1st Ave S
Seattle, WA 98127
Another super-old saloon in Pioneer Square, The J&M Café, is two doors down from The Central Saloon. Classic and well-maintained, The J&M Café is aesthetically very similar to Central, so I can imagine many people hop from one to the other. Most of the patrons are fixated on the flat screen televisions, cheering their precious Seahawks on to victory. I’m focused on downing vodka and orange juice. Seattle, fuck yeah! The Cobb salad the pink-haired lady sitting next to us ordered looked pretty good...
Rating: x
Rating: x
Lava Lounge
2226 2nd Ave
Seattle, WA 98121
Review coming soon!
Nitelite Lounge
1920 2nd Ave
Seattle, WA 98101
Review coming soon!
Rabbit Hole
2222 2nd Ave
Seattle, WA 98121
Review coming soon!
Royal Bar
5211 University Way NE
Seattle, WA 98105
The Royal Bar
is nothing exciting, just a UW hangout crawling with 19-year-olds using their
older siblings’ IDs. I probably wouldn’t recommend it to any future visitors,
but it gave my friend and me an opportunity to drink and loathe humanity. Our
visit started off positive: Snow’s ‘Informer’ was blasting through the
speakers, but eventually the experience flat-lined because the bartenders were
hard to wave down and it took entirely too long to order a second drink.
Fortunately, there’s a by-the-slice pizza parlor next door, so if you need a
warm snack for your commute home, it’s a godsend. Once again, not the best bar in Seattle, but it provided shelter from the 25 degree
weather outside.
Rating: x
Rating: x
Shorty's
2222 2nd Ave
Seattle, WA 98121
Review coming soon!
Unicorn
1118 E. Pike St
Seattle, WA 98122
One step in the door and I am already in love. Striped wallpaper in
bubblegum pink, teal, and white adorn the walls. Taxidermy animal heads,
pinball machines, a photo booth, pimp light fixtures; it’s the booziest circus
I’ve ever been to!
I order the Unicorn Jizz as my first drink. The bartender gives me a funny look and says "I don't think any of the bartenders here have ever tried the Unicorn Jizz." Whatever, I ain't proud. It’s sugary sweet and I'm borderline gagging on it, but what other opportunity will I have to say “unicorn jizz” to a bartender with a straight face?
We make a couple friends upstairs, then head downstairs to Narwhal, and make a couple more. Drunk and sociable, we engage in conversations of gore and death and the underbelly of Los Angeles with the bearded bartender and his friendly tattooed friend. We abuse the photo booth, then bid adieu to the most amazing bar Seattle has to offer (DISCLAIMER: This review is based on an experience from 3:00pm. I cannot vouch for the nighttime scene, but I'm sure it gets crowded as fuck).
Rating: xx
I order the Unicorn Jizz as my first drink. The bartender gives me a funny look and says "I don't think any of the bartenders here have ever tried the Unicorn Jizz." Whatever, I ain't proud. It’s sugary sweet and I'm borderline gagging on it, but what other opportunity will I have to say “unicorn jizz” to a bartender with a straight face?
We make a couple friends upstairs, then head downstairs to Narwhal, and make a couple more. Drunk and sociable, we engage in conversations of gore and death and the underbelly of Los Angeles with the bearded bartender and his friendly tattooed friend. We abuse the photo booth, then bid adieu to the most amazing bar Seattle has to offer (DISCLAIMER: This review is based on an experience from 3:00pm. I cannot vouch for the nighttime scene, but I'm sure it gets crowded as fuck).
Rating: xx
Snohomish County
Harvey's Lounge
21116 Hwy 99
Edmonds, WA 98026
Review coming soon!
WISCONSIN
Nig's Bar
201 Broadway
Wisconsin Dells, WI 53965
I look up from the sidewalk and see a sign erected, long before political correctness and concern for social mores, inviting me to have a swig with someone named Nig. Not one to refuse an invite of this caliber, I concede, and step up into a gorgeous bar in a building from the early 1900s when they still made them solid. This is a really great space: high ceilings, hardwood floors, wraparound bar and that pleasant smell of hundred year old cigar smoke so deep in the woodwork that, even with current smoke-free laws, you will never get rid of it.
Midday local patrons bellied up to the bar in the classic stooped posture of the committed day drinker? Yes, and they were none too happy to see what appeared to be the first wave of tourists. I'm sure if you caught them in the middle of the winter when there's 10 feet of snow outside and a fair chance you may need to sleep at the bar as the blizzard won't let up, they'd be a jovial lot, but you could feel the tension in the room. Like the moment before the doors open at WalMart on Black Friday...everybody was a little spooked.
I presume the Nig in Nig's bar is an abbreviation for the name of the gentleman who opened this joint in the mid-40s, but most everything I've read online alludes to how offensive they find this place (this is admittedly misleading as you need to take in to account the type of person posting some of this stuff. One review I found made me laugh out loud. Should you ever meet Angela P from Plainfield, IL, please give her a cunt punt for me as she states, in part, "I had a cranberry vodka, he had a captain and coke. Drinks were fine. Then we ordered Jello shots. They were prepackaged, like pudding cups! And they tasted awful.").
The fact that they offer a camouflage shirt and hat combo above the bar with the logo and tagline does not help them, however, this place is a real slice of small town Main Street bar culture that does not appear to have changed much since they opened their doors back in the day. Most of these establishments have disappeared. Something like this would never fly in a place like Los Angeles. Just based on the name alone, by now it would have been shuttered and repurposed as something safe and inviting like Obligitory's Pub -- most likely subdivided to include a baby clothing boutique.
My point is, should you find yourself near Wisconsin Dells, make a pit stop at Nig's Bar and enjoy a cold, cheap beer while not taking yourself so seriously for a minute. You might find you enjoy it. I most certainly did.
Rating: xx
Midday local patrons bellied up to the bar in the classic stooped posture of the committed day drinker? Yes, and they were none too happy to see what appeared to be the first wave of tourists. I'm sure if you caught them in the middle of the winter when there's 10 feet of snow outside and a fair chance you may need to sleep at the bar as the blizzard won't let up, they'd be a jovial lot, but you could feel the tension in the room. Like the moment before the doors open at WalMart on Black Friday...everybody was a little spooked.
I presume the Nig in Nig's bar is an abbreviation for the name of the gentleman who opened this joint in the mid-40s, but most everything I've read online alludes to how offensive they find this place (this is admittedly misleading as you need to take in to account the type of person posting some of this stuff. One review I found made me laugh out loud. Should you ever meet Angela P from Plainfield, IL, please give her a cunt punt for me as she states, in part, "I had a cranberry vodka, he had a captain and coke. Drinks were fine. Then we ordered Jello shots. They were prepackaged, like pudding cups! And they tasted awful.").
The fact that they offer a camouflage shirt and hat combo above the bar with the logo and tagline does not help them, however, this place is a real slice of small town Main Street bar culture that does not appear to have changed much since they opened their doors back in the day. Most of these establishments have disappeared. Something like this would never fly in a place like Los Angeles. Just based on the name alone, by now it would have been shuttered and repurposed as something safe and inviting like Obligitory's Pub -- most likely subdivided to include a baby clothing boutique.
My point is, should you find yourself near Wisconsin Dells, make a pit stop at Nig's Bar and enjoy a cold, cheap beer while not taking yourself so seriously for a minute. You might find you enjoy it. I most certainly did.
Rating: xx