Jumbo’s Clown Room has, for months now, been a drunken destination that I’ve lusted after. Ever since I went on that Dearly Departed Tour (love you, River), visions of dicked-chicks have danced in my head. Many a coworker has boasted about the onstage spectacle at Jumbo’s Clown Room; I simply needed to take a peek, myself.
After two failed attempts, a third opportunity arises. I can barely contain myself during the final hours of my work week, as I anticipate what majesty is to come later that evening. The day has finally come to a close, so I touch up my makeup and head over to 5153 Hollywood Boulevard. Yeah, it’s only 6pm, but that makes it all the more pathetic and sleazy. I park my car, slip on my tallest heels, and head for the entrance. Ahh fuck, it just feels dirty: the chain-smoking bouncer, the random homeless dude, a bevy of large, lesbian regulars...perfect. I flash my ID and the doorman snidely retorts “you’re in for a treat.” I push aside the velvet curtain.
Let me tell you, Gold Diggers is the shit…potent cocktails, 40-year-old Thai strippers, chicken chow mein festering under a heat lamp, and a bartender who is VERY proud of her chicken chow mein. I highly recommend this bar.