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The Tonga Hut/Tally Rand

8/31/2014

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Last Sunday we needed to get out of the house so we jumped in the Jeep and headed north on the 405.  The original idea was to bowl a few games at a sheisty alley somewhere in the Van Nuys area.  Our game has been faltering as we haven’t been banging enough pins lately.

Somewhere around The Getty Center, Alyssa mentioned a tiki bar in the valley, The Tonga Hut, which neither of us had been to.  We didn’t have to mull this over much.  She threw her bowling shoes in the back seat and we caught the 101 to circle back towards North Hollywood.


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Parking was a breeze and we ended up trolling Victory Blvd to kill some time until the bar opened at 4p.  I found myself at half-mast staring down a flaming sign across the street: Hot Rod Heaven USA BBQ Grill.  Unfortunately, with a phone that goes directly to voicemail, some cardboard in the window, and their only review posted in April of this year, it appears this place arrived quick and split quicker, which is a shame because I love me a rib.

Anyway, we were standing in front of the Tonga Hut when the deadbolt clicked open and admitted us as the first customers of the day.  Initial impression was that this place is incredibly dark.  Coming in off the street and with no point of reference, I spent the first 30 seconds taking large blind steps in the general direction of where I believed the bar to be.  We found it without tripping and after our eyes adjusted, found a nice cozy space with all the appropriate tiki trimmings.  There were a few hut-style booths, a lounge section near the front and ample bar seating.  There’s a juke but someone had hooked up a computer and was playing a good mix of classic exotica.  The bartender handed us a battered three-sided table sign with their drink menu comprised of the standard tropical drinks.  They have a full bar, including beer on tap, so everyone should be covered here if rum isn’t your kick. 

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As a newcomer, I asked the bartender how long this place has been around but zoned out after he went on a long tirade about The Tonga Hut versus Tiki Ti in Silverlake.  Midway through the rant he pointed to a woman he referred to as “Den Mother Sherri”.  We all waved at each other but we were never able to deduce if she was one of the owners or just a regular that snuck through the back door.

I should have known better, but I then proceeded to ask what he would have if he was sitting on my side of the bar.

“Well, you know, I’ve been mixing drinks for quite a while now so I have very refined palate.  I mean, were I sitting over there, I’d probably be having a Campari with…” blah, blah, blah.  


If you work at a bar like this, that question should invoke four possible replies:

1.    If you like sweet and fruity, go with…

2.    Not so sweet, go with…

3.    A little skunky, go with…

4.    I also make an excellent…

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Alyssa was kicking me in the shins by this point and we’d concluded to order a Mai Tai bowl after having a conversation aside from the one the bartender was having with himself, concurrently.  A bowl is usually a pretty safe bet for two as it typically comes in a cool vessel with some fire and long straws.  Alyssa had turned me on to them a handful of years ago at Hula’s in Santa Cruz and since then we’ve been having one when the occasion arises.  You find them in some strange places.  Natalee Thai and Fu’s Palace as prime examples on the Westside.

Although The Tonga Hut has its’ own signature tiki mugs, including a pretty bitchin’ clam shell bowl (see below), this is what we receive:

Yes, that’s some booze, ice and mint in a faux wood plastic bowl.  Yes, exactly the type of bowl you get your tortilla chips in at a Mexican restaurant. 


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I read on Yelp while we were there that they have a 200 drink menu and anyone able to consume these within a year gets their name carved in wood and added to the Loyal Order of the Drooling Bastard board.  I didn’t care to inquire on either count.  We bounced after one.

Afterwards, we went to The Tally Rand in Burbank.  Although a diner, the bar on the lower level was a nice place to chill.  The chicken noodle soup was delicious -- and look!  They even have a Huell Howser approved meal!


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